If you’re like me, a white youth pastor, you are probably still trying to unpack everything that’s going on.

I don’t want to be silent anymore. I also don’t want to put my foot in my mouth or make things worse.

In a season where anything can you post can be scrutinized and torn apart, I wanted to think about ways I can educate myself like Theo Davis talked about and his post last week. There’s so much more to do than the shortlist, but I’m planning on starting here.

Offer to take someone out to lunch

There’s probably someone in your circle who is black. If not, invite them into your circle. Offer to take them out for lunch. Pay for it. Ask him if they have experienced discrimination or acts of racism in your community. Ask him what you individually can do. Ask him how they are feeling about everything that’s going on right now. Don’t push back. Just listen.

Ask your students how they are doing

If you have black students in your ministry parentheses and I really hope you do parentheses, ask him how they are doing. What are their thoughts on the situation nationally? Have they experienced discrimination locally? Again, just listen.

Ask your students how you are doing

This one will be tough. Ask your black students if they feel like you are an advocate for them. Ask them if you have done something that unintentionally made them feel discriminated against. Ask them if you did something that made them intentionally felt discriminated against. Listen. Learn.

Reach out to parents

If you have parents who are black and your church, set up a meeting. Maybe take them out for coffee. Ask him how they feel their students are doing. Ask them how they feel about the ministry of your church. Is there anything your church can do better? Listen.

Get senior leadership’s blessing

Now that you’ve had lots of conversations, make a couple notes. Did anything stick out? Was there anything students or parents or community members mentioned several times? It might be as easy as teaching A Series on racism and inviting a pastor from a local black church to speak to your students. Or get a panel of black students to answer questions During youth group. It might be planning to attend the Martin Luther King JR march in your town this year. Whatever it is, let your senior leadership know what you’re doing. Hopefully, you’ll get their blessing.

Think Long Term

Set a reminder on your phone for a year from now. What do you want to be thinking about when it comes to diversity in your context? What about racism? What goals do you wish you could see come to fruition? What change can you might right now while tragedy is still fresh that will still be in place long term?

I don’t feel like I’m going to do this 100% right.

But I 100% know I can’t do nothing.

Ronald

I saw a shirt once that said: “I run….  I’m slower than a turtle in molasses in the winter, but I run”.  I have never seen something that more accurately describes me as a runner.  But I do love to run, and actually will run pretty much anytime, anywhere.  For me, it’s my escape, and a time for me to connect to God and re-charge.

As I was running this week, I realized that I was about to hit a new personal record, and was thrilled!  I am not a competitive person, but I love to compete with myself, and push myself to do better.  But as I finished out the final mile, and ended with that new PR, I realized that one of the reasons I love running, is that it’s all about me, and what I can do.  Now hear me out- I’m not saying that as a selfish thing.  What I’m saying, is that when I run, I don’t compare myself to those around me.  And I certainly wouldn’t determine whether or not I had a good run by whether or not I beat someone else’s time.

Unfortunately, we so often don’t adopt that same mentality in life.  I would never compare myself to an Olympic athlete when it comes to running, so why am I so quick to do it in other areas of my life?  Especially in ministry, we are quick to look at what we are doing (or even worse, what we aren’t doing), and compare it to other youth leaders, other ministries, and other situations entirely.  But we aren’t those people.  We don’t know what resources they might have, or what the situations are.  I would never compare myself to an Olympic athlete because it would be absurd.  Now, that is a big exaggeration, but you get my point.  If I compared my running times and paces to someone else, it wouldn’t make sense.  I know what I am capable of, and I push myself to my limits based on that capacity, not on anyone else’s.  And that’s what we need to do in our ministries as well.

There is nothing wrong with looking to other ministries and leaders for ideas, resources, or suggestions.  But when we let that become a way of comparing what we are doing to what they are doing, and let it reflect negatively on our mentality, it becomes a problem.  We are all running this race together.  And we come into the race at different points, and with different levels of experience and energy.  Some have been doing this for years, while others are new at this and still finding their way.  Some have a group of 5 and are killing it, and others have a group of 500 and are learning how to manage.  There is no magic formula to measure success or determine what is right or wrong for you and your group.  But you have been placed there for a reason.  So keep running, and keep pushing yourself to do better than where you are right now.  Push yourself to your limits (in a good way- not to the point where you burn out), and keep improving.  But stop comparing yourself to everyone around you as a measure of your success.  Do what you know how to do best, and what I’m guessing drew you to youth ministry in the first place- love God and love students.  And if you can do that, the rest will fall into place.

Ashley Weyant

I’m the Children & Youth Pastor at Ebensburg UMC in Ebensburg, PA. I’ve been involved in youth ministry off and on, but have been a bi-vocational youth leader for two years. I love youth ministry and am passionate about seeing students grow in their relationship with God!

Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son comes at the end of a series of stories about lost items. The moral of the stories of course being the importance of turning away from the things that pull us away from our relationship with God and walking toward Him.

This story always chokes me up. The sheer desperation the son must have felt, the humiliation of having to return home with all of his fortune wasted and his poor choices on full display. But the father doesn’t demean his wayward son, he simply welcomes him home and celebrates the one good choice he did make.

In student ministry, we follow the example of the father. Any time a student makes a decision to come to Christ or return to Christ, we welcome them with open arms as an earthly representation of God the Father’s love.

I started to imagine though, what if we the church are the characters that didn’t quite make it into the story?

As he rounded the corner, he felt a block of ice form in the pit of his stomach. He was nearing home and he couldn’t imagine what his father’s reaction would be. Would he yell and shame him for all he had done? Would he make an example of him to the rest of the household?

He glanced up and saw Mr. and Mrs. Gaines mending the fence on the outskirts of their yard. He kept his head down–afraid to make eye contact until he heard Mr. Gaines speak, “It’s good to see you, son. Your dad will be thrilled to have you home.” “Welcome home!” he heard Mrs. Gaines add.

As he walked on, he passed the Hill’s house, when Mrs. Hill saw him through the window, she threw it open and waved! His heart beat quickened.

Nearing the worn path that would lead straight to his house, he realized that a small crowd had gathered behind him. He could hear the crunch of rocks under their feet and he feared they might be awaiting his public humiliation, but in that very moment he heard various shouts:

“He’ll be so excited to see you!”

“So glad you’re home!”

“Proud of you!”

“Welcome home!”

His heart lifted as the house came into view. He could just make out the door opening, and he saw a man make a beeline for the front gate. As the encouragement of his neighbors rang in his ears, he realized the man running towards him was his father. His eyes grew hot with tears and his vision blurred as his father reached him and wrapped him in his arms. He was home and he was loved.

Youth ministry is our opportunity to be the neighbors that witnessed this reunion. Every interaction with a student is a chance for us–the youth leaders, volunteers, directors, mentors, and pastors to encourage a kid to meet the Father. We are the neighbors, cheering them on as they come home. Let’s not miss a single opportunity.

Mikiala Tennie

Mikiala grew up in sunny South Florida. She started volunteering in student ministry while still a student herself and hasn’t stopped serving students since. Mikiala works in ministry because of her desire for people to truly know Christ. For six years she has served at First United Methodist Church of Stuart and currently has the role of Director of Discipleship and Student Ministries. She lives with her little Yorkie, KiKi Okoye Tennie.

Most of the country is still closed down. Some of it however, is opening back up again! If your leadership is anything like mine, they are stressed out. There’s a whole bunch of new guidelines they are trying to follow while hearing from congregations that they are too afraid and don’t have enough faith or opening up too soon and putting everyone at risk.

No matter where you fall on that spectrum, it’s going to be essential that you have a plan in place for how student ministry comes back.

Follow guidelines

The best way to make sure you are communicating to parents and your community at large that you care about the safety of your students is to make sure that you are following the guidelines. Whether those are CDC, state, or local guidelines, making sure that you are on the same page as the rest of your church and community communicates that you aren’t the irresponsible chubby-bunny-playing youth pastor of the past.

Whatever guidelines your church is using is best. Show that you’re on the same page!

Get creative

Some stereotypes aren’t bad! The student ministry is typically the area where a church innovates the fastest! Even though you have guidelines to follow, you can get super creative working within that box.

Some churches have done drive-in worship services. What would drive-in student ministry look like?

Does everybody have to stay in their own 6 ft square? That sounds like an awesome game of life-size bingo or battleship.

Just because there are guidelines to follow, it doesn’t mean you are prevented from getting creative!

Hold it loosely

The first plan we made and presented to leadership got shut down. Hard. That’s OK! Like I said, your senior pastor is probably very stressed out. So whenever you make a plan, hold it loosely.

You might think it’s the best thing you’ve come up with since they invented quarantine baking. But your senior pastor may disagree. That’s alright. If they are in the mood to give feedback, ask what you can change or if you need to start from scratch. Remember, leaders aren’t at their best when they aren’t rested and are overstressed. Chances are your senior pastor is both.

Make a plan, but hold it loosely.

Keep going

You are probably sick of online services. Justin Knowles is. He wrote a great blog about it last week. But you doing online services for students might be the best thing you can do for your pastor and your community. It may even be that right now, the online youth group is working and not rocking the boat.

Give your pastor the gift of not worrying about something that isn’t broken if that’s what they need. Just ask “Is the best thing I can do for you and the church just to keep having online youth group and zoom meetings?”

The answer might be yes (and you might NOT like that), but remember that you’re a part of a team. One that is going through one of the wildest seasons we’ll ever experience.

Make a plan. Follow the guidelines. Get creative. Hold It loosely. Keep going!

What would you add?

Ronald

You might feel a little bit like Ansley Higginbotham right now.

Whether you’re a parent or a youth worker in the lives of students, this tension is real:

One thing I’ve noticed:
Even a pandemic cannot seem to stop the pressure on today’s young people.
It has all just moved online.
Grades, endless assignments, dance, scouts, athletic training, more, more, more!
And all this, we expect from young people, without their friends, teachers, grandparents, church leaders, etc.
All this we expect while their parents are stressed about bills and everything else.
All this we expect while we cannot even tell them when they will return to school, and work, and sports, and hugs with people they love.
What about just resting and healing?
And mourning?
And space?
And time to process our feelings?
What about slowing down while the world is on pause?
I want our home to be a peaceful place. It is up to me to provide that, even if I have to push back on those outside pressures.
It is my job, as a parent, to say “Enough!”

How have you seen this in the lives of your children or your students?

Has your ministry given students the opportunity to just rest?

What are the longterm benefits of helping students find moments to process?

Ansley has served in youth ministry for two decades and holds a certificate of Youth and Theology from Princeton Theological Seminary. She loves the relational aspect of youth ministry as well as helping equip adults and students to lead. Ansley lives on her family’s beef cattle farm in Virginia with her husband and two young sons (and, sadly, no llamas).

See more from this DYM author here.

I’m a wannabe barista. I love coffee, and love competent latte art. (For those who are into such things, my favorite drink is a straight two-shot whole-milk traditional cappuccino with no flavor. This is the drink espresso was created by God to be in.) Our church has an espresso bar, which is through the office wall about 35 feet from my desk. So I have learned enough about being a barista to know that I am a terrible barista, even after several years of trying. The latte art a barista creates is only part of the skill required to be a great barista, but the quality of the latte art reveals a lot to experienced baristas. For example, here’s a perfectly poured rosetta:

And here’s my best attempt this week:

Here’s a competition heart shape, with lots of concentric hearts created by the pour:

And here’s the best one I’ve done (I’m actually pretty proud of this one. Please don’t make fun of me!):

I could go on, but I’ll just show you one more: my attempt at a rosetta that was so bad it actually more resembled the dark tower of Barad Dur from Lord of the Rings. So I took a toothpick and tried to actually make it that.

My latte art, several years into trying, is only a poor mockery of what the pros can do. I just don’t have the practice (or the artistic eye) to do what they do. I only make 5-10 espresso drinks per week.

Why are we talking about latte art?

In this season of ministry, all our students can choose to watch the online student ministry gatherings of most any megachurch they choose to watch every week. And potentially even worse, I can watch those same gatherings.

I can do a quick Instagram search for “latte art” and quickly be discouraged. When I compare my latte art to what the pros produce, mine is pretty lousy most of the time. Every so often, I pull off a lucky one that looks almost passable, but my average is far lower.

I can do a quick YouTube search for “youth ministry” and quickly be discouraged. I can’t build a new stage set every couple of weeks for youth group. I don’t have a staff working under me in student ministry. I don’t have the chops or the prep time to hit a home run with my teaching every week. Some weeks, I feel like what I do is passable, but my average isn’t stellar.

Comparison is a dangerous trap any time, but it’s so much easier to fall into right now.

Many of us are serving in multiple job descriptions (either officially or unofficially) in our churches, and youth ministry is just one of several weekly task loads. Many of us are part-time or volunteer, and the time we have to devote to youth ministry is painfully limited.

You know what I have in common with the best professional baristas? I start by using some of the best coffee beans in the world. They’re expertly blended and roasted by Messenger Coffee in Kansas City (if you’re ever in town, you’ve got to go to their café and sit on the rooftop deck!). And while my grinding, dosing, tamping, steaming, etc make a difference in the final product; you can’t make truly great cappuccinos if you start with the wrong beans. When I do a halfway decent job with my part of the operation, I get a really delicious drink in my favorite coffee mug in the mornings when I arrive in the office. Even if it doesn’t look as pretty as some.

You know what I have in common with the best youth pastors in the world? I start by using the inspired Word of God, the presence and power of His Holy Spirit, and a redeemed heart submitted to His purposes and calling on me. I make it my goal to point to Jesus in every interaction with my students. I use the gifting, training, and experience He has guided me into over my lifetime. And while my preparation, creativity, and skill make a difference in the final result; you can’t have true Kingdom-building outcomes if you start with the wrong foundational things. When I do my best to be faithful and obedient to the Holy Spirit, I can be confident that Jesus will give my students a thirst for Living Water that can only be quenched by Him. Even if our meetings don’t look as pretty as some.

Also, the best baristas are often quite willing to share their secrets. They freely share on YouTube and write articles about how to improve your technique. There’s no reason to just try to figure it all out on your own.

The best youth pastors are also sharing their secrets! Check out youthgroup.downloadyouthministry.com for an absolute treasure trove of free stuff you can use to improve your game right now! And there’s a 60-day free trial of the DYM Gold membership right now, including free use of the wonderful software package called Sidekick! There are free teaching sessions, small group discussions, and anything else you need. There’s no reason to just try to figure it all out on your own. (I know this last paragraph seems like just an awkward segue to a commercial, but look again! There’s a ridiculous amount of stuff available for zero dollars and zero cents!)

Maybe you need to be reminded today that your labor is not in vain. If you’re starting with the right foundations (the Word of God, the presence and power of His Spirit, a redeemed heart submitted to His purposes and calling, a determination to love students and point them to Jesus), hear this: your labor is NOT in vain. It’s all strange and weird, and I get that it feels like you’re not doing enough or you’re not being effective or you’re failing in your calling. But if you’re faithful to obediently serve where God has called you to serve, you are making a difference that will last forever. Thanks for pointing students to Jesus!

Jim Purtle is married to an incandescently radiant math teacher named Cindy. They have four small children. Those children occasionally make Jim and Cindy very proud, and sometimes make them pray fervently for the children’s future sanctification. Jim has been in full-time youth ministry at the same church in rural Missouri since 2002, and feels like he might be starting to figure out how to do it. He’s made a ton of mistakes, and is willing to tell anyone who will listen how not to do youth ministry! He’s really glad he doesn’t have Jesus’ job – but he’s also really glad Jesus called him to be part of His Kingdom.

More from this DYM Author

You guys,

I have a 3-year-old and she is always leaving the back door to our deck open. Not such a great thing when you also have a 1-year-old ready to escape at any moment.

Enter COVID-19. Friends, I’m with you. I’m more tired than that one time I ran a 5k. I don’t know what day it is. I can’t remember if I put on deodorant today. I have all this extra time at home, and yet I’m overwhelmed with the 2 things on my to-do list. We are going through a global pandemic. Let’s be gentle with ourselves. I want to give you one quick thing I’m learning right now about closing the back door in this season of online ministry.

After our first night of online programming, a student DM’ed our ministry’s Instagram with her address because it was her first time ever engaging with our ministry. She had always been afraid to come alone. We were going to send pizza delivery to her door (a great front door idea, thank you, DYM fam!). Along with her address, she said, “I also am interested in how to have a relationship with God.” I called her that night and she asked Jesus to be her savior and Lord. That’s just like God — to draw people to Himself even amidst low production value — even when I can only give shreds of time planning and praying during my kids’ naps!

Because it was just one student, I’ve been able to personally follow up with her multiple times since. I sent her a video telling her I’d been praying for the requests she’d sent me, and she sent one back saying that made her day. I connected her with a student leader who also reached out to her. I sent her a Bible in the mail. I offered to do a Bible study with her over facetime and she agreed. When I did these things, I was shutting the back door.

Right now, what’s front and center is, “What are we going to do to get kids to engage with what we are producing?” (The front door) That’s a great and important question. But I think we should be spending just as much time with those who are engaging through the front door, to not let them slip out the back door. How can you make your ministry be more personal right now? How can you and your team follow up? Students are lonely and the personal touchpoints will speak volumes.

-Have a brainstorming session with your team, just focusing on follow-up. Pick the best 1-3 ideas, delegate them, and make that a focus this week.

-Think about how many kids you and your other small group leaders can send a short encouraging video, text, or hand-written card to this week.

-How can you mobilize your student leaders to follow up with their friends who attend your experiences?

-What administrative tasks can you delegate or forgo so that you can be more freed up for pastoral care?

-What students do you know whose families are especially struggling right now? What if you simply made a new prayer board especially for this season of COVID-19 in your home office so you can visually be reminded to pray throughout the week for the needs of your community?

Often, I get so overwhelmed because I want to reach ALL the students, but my time is so limited in this season as a volunteer youth worker. I want the masses. But what if we just focused on finding the ONE lost student like Jesus did in Luke 15? If 5,000 youth workers across the country focused on discipling just two students this year, and those two students go and make two more disciples each subsequent year…we will have discipled 5 million students in the next ten years by the power of the Holy Spirit for the glory of God.

I want in on that. Let’s close the back door in His strength.

Isaiah 6:8 (NIV), “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Sabrina Hadro

Sabrina has been doing youth ministry for 12 years. She has her bachelor’s degree in Youth Ministry from Lincoln Christian University. She has staff experience both working in mega churches and at a church plant, middle school and high school, creative arts, small groups, and director roles.

Now, by day she is the momma to two little girls in the land of 10,000 lakes: Minnesota! She and her husband love attending River Valley Church and currently volunteer with the local FCA. And she still loves creating resources to help other youth workers win!

See resources from this DYM Author!

“Be right back I’m gonna hang out with some friends!”

“Hey, let me just relax and watch the game for a little bit.”

“I’m gonna run out to the coffee shop and sit and people watch for a while.”

It’s crazy to think about how what we normally do for stress release involves getting out of our house and going somewhere! I know that I’ve longed for the solace of a coffee shop (or a Taco Bell for that matter) in this crazy season.

I was talking with a minister buddy of mine the other day who said he normally comes home after youth group and watches the game to unwind. Now there’s no game! Not only that, but we’re seeing some people say that they feel MORE stressed after virtual youth group than they were after meeting in person.

Below are some ways I try to unwind and let go of my stress in this crazy season:

• Going for a drive. I turn up the music and sing as loud as I can.
• Talking with trusted friends. I’m feeling a little Zoomed out, so I use the phone feature on my little handheld computer. It feels nice to mix it up sometimes.
• Setting up a new group text. This was something I had before the crisis and was really glad for it! We send memes, vent frustrations, laugh, complain and celebrate together!
• Go for a walk/run outside. It’s the new treadmill!
• Set up a workout station in your garage/porch. I love the gym. Now the gym is my garage. I need to move my body to get the stress out every day!

I reached out to the DYM Community to see what they were doing. Here are some of their suggestions:

• Big-time nerd project though is watching ALL the appendices from the extended LOTR!
• I’ve resorted to working out. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
•  I busted out the PS3 to play NCAA FOOTBALL’13 after a long break from the best game ever.
• VIDEO. GAMES. They’ve always been there for me. Buy a Nintendo Switch.
• I can still woodwork
• YOGA and ice cream
• Bottle up my emotions then yell at inopportune times. You know the American way.

Whatever way you’re getting rid of your stress at this time, remember to take care of your own personal journey with Jesus. Get a Bible reading plan together or listen to the Bible while you go on a walk. Whatever you do, make sure you’re not ministering from an empty cup!

God’s got this!

Ronald