I don’t know if you know this or not but tonight is the Election for the president of the United States. I also don’t know if you know this but it seems like there is a lot of tension, anticipation, anxiety, stress, worry and anger about what is going to happen tonight and the weeks following the results of tonight.

As I am sure you know, there are a lot of people who are VERY opinionated about what is happening in our country tonight and there are disagreements, fights, keyboard warriors, and posts flying all over the place. Lot’s of them being youth workers like us and students like in our groups.

And if your ministry is anything like ours, you are going to have students who all of this goes over their heads and they don’t really care, you have some that just regurgitate what they hear at home and you have some that care deeply and know what is going on with the election. Chances are you are a voice that speaks into student’s lives and they want to know what you think. So tomorrow or this weekend during youth group they are going to ask you or want to talk to you about the election.

I don’t know if that gives you anxiety or you can’t wait to talk about it, either way, we need to make sure we point back to Jesus and our faith while realizing there is going to be a range of thoughts and emotions from different students around this topic.

As I have been processing all of this, I wrote down some reminders for myself to keep in mind if students do want to talk about it I can have the right, Christ-like mindset no matter what way I lean politically:

Make sure you have processed your own thoughts and emotions.

If we are not in a good spot to talk to other adults without fighting, we are probably not ready or should talk to our students about it. I think we need to make sure we are in a good spot first before we even think about talking about and taking questions from students. It’s okay to say, “You know what I am still processing it right now and I would love to talk to you about it a little bit later this week if that is ok.”

Listen and ask questions.

Even if you don’t agree, listen. One of the best things we can do, in order to help students process, is to let them talk. When they talk it out loud, they are processing and we are to help them process what they are going through and ask them good questions about what they are feeling and what does it mean for their faith. Make your space a space that is safe for others to process. This is the goal, is it not? We want to be a place where students feel comfortable to talk about anything and everything. One of the biggest ways to make sure that does not happen is to cut them off, be short, be confrontational, argue etc. Is there a time where those things can happen healthily? Sure. But we want to make sure we are there, listening. This is not a time for you to input your opinions but just to listen to them.

Don’t demonize the other side but use it as an opportunity to coach tolerant disagreement (not only for them but for you too).

No matter who wins, there are going to be upset people and students and we want to make sure there is no demonizing of the winning or losing “side” in the culture of our ministry. I feel like we have lost the ability to “disagree and still be friends” mentality and it is sad. Ultimately, as leaders of a Christian ministry, we have the opportunity to coach our students on what it means to disagree but still live in a way that honors and obeys what Jesus tells us about how to live and treat others.

Challenge to love others like Jesus.

As a youth worker, I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory but in this cultural climate, I feel like I need to put this in here. This is what we are called to do with our students and live out in our own lives.

Pray.

Again self-explanatory but it can be a great way to pray for and with your students who do come to you about it.

I feel like I have seen it all over to where it’s almost funny but I do feel like sometimes people really don’t understand it but God is on the throne regardless of the outcome of tonight. He is in control. He has won. He has elected us to be with Him by Him coming down from heaven to die on a cross for us. This is what matters most and we need to keep on pointing students to that amazing truth.

@justinknowles3

There’s absolutely no denying that 2020 has been a strange year for all of us. This year has flipped all of our lives around in the most unexpected, surprising, and unanticipated way. For me personally, 2020 will be the year that I went from working as a full-time Youth and Children’s Director to teaching first grade in an instant.

Without getting into much detail, let me just say that this all happened through a crazy turn of events. While I still work for my church, teaching has taken over much of my schedule. Gone are the days of setting up for weekly services and driving the church van twice a week. You can now find me teaching core subjects to a room full of six and seven-year-old children.

My hope is to one day return to the area of full-time ministry. However, God has given me the grace to be where I am and I’m not going to waste the moment. The lessons I have learned from teaching are things, I believe, that can easily be transferred over to the world of ministry.

Here are a few ministry lessons I’ve learned from being a first-grade teacher:

1. Young people carry a lot. While this is true literally, as today’s student carries quite a bit in their backpacks, it is also true figuratively. Children and teenagers are walking around with so much trauma, emotional baggage, family issues, and problems you and I cannot even begin to fathom. And most of what they carry begins at a young age. As a youth worker, I knew this to be true. But, it was something that I only thought about on Sundays and Wednesdays. The issues they faced were not in front of me every day. As a teacher? I see the struggles they face on a daily basis for hours at a time. I see how it affects their mood, their learning, and their well-being. 

As youth workers, it’s important to keep this in mind when it comes to the students in our ministry. Know that what you see a few times a week at church is only a small fraction of the lives that your students live. This should remind us to be gracious and intentional in our interactions with them, and to pray for them on those days we don’t see them.

2. Creativity, creativity, creativity! I think we can all agree that ministry requires a lot of creativity. In teaching? Multiply the need for creativity by about 1,000. Most teachers are tasked with creating lessons for 25 students in multiple subjects, while also meeting the needs of various learning styles, on top of making sure each student learns what they are supposed to. This has stretched my creativity like it has never been stretched before.

In youth ministry, I feel that we get stuck in a rut when it comes to making sure our lessons stick. We use the same object lessons and illustrations. The same games and events. It’s easy to forget that in your youth group, similar to a classroom, that there are many different types of learners—auditory, kinesthetic, visual, and many more. As you prepare your messages and events, keep this in mind. Allow this to push you to look for ways to get more creative in the way that you minister.

3. God fights for His children. It’s easy to think that, as Youth Pastors, we are the only Spiritual leaders in our students’ lives. But, this is not true. God has placed many people in the lives of His children to minister to them in many ways—including teachers. In only my short time as a teacher, I cannot tell you how many times the Holy Spirit has given me discernment in what a student is dealing with. He has put it on my heart to pray for them, to intercede for them, and to be a light unto them each day.

Every day I see the Lord fighting for his children. I see the work that He does in them in a setting that looks like nothing like a church. Many teachers are apart of this work and it took me becoming one to see that.

As a youth worker, find a way to partner with a teacher to see how characteristics from their profession can help you in yours.

I wish that I could share the several other lessons I believe carry over into youth ministry, but the list would be miles long. The final thing that I’d like to add is one thing we all know but seem to forget: ministry is not limited to a church building. The Lord works in all settings, no matter where you are. I cannot wait for that day that I am back in a vocational ministry position and put into practice everything I’ve learned while teaching first grade. Until then, I will continue to minister to the beloved children the Lord has placed in my classroom.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

Karli Loving is a First Grade Teacher from Lawton, Oklahoma. She is passionate about seeing the Lord move mightily in the next generation, as well as encouraging diversity in the area of youth ministry. Karli is a fan of Jesus, loving others, and chocolate milkshakes.

This is part 5 of a 5 part series

We have come to the end of my regrets as a youth pastor. I have shared my regrets with bathing suit policies, empowering women leaders, parent ministry and not sharing the stage as much as I had wished. Today’s I close this series on a heart check for all of us.

I regret not focusing on practical evangelism and apologetics 

I know I might sound like the old guy yelling at the next generation but hear me out. My youth pastor taught me how to share my testimony, explain the gospel, and how to defend my faith, and I have used all those tools to this day. It is really easy to fall into moralism or even self-help psychology in youth ministry. We talk about doing this, don’t do this, and/ or play as a spiritual therapist to students while we walk with them in their issues. Hear me out, we should preach God’s commands from scripture and we should pastor our students through the difficult adolescent years, but let’s make sure that a “saved” student knows what they are saved from and how to tell others about it. 

Gen Z is the first generation to have social media in middle school. They have so many voices vying for their attention and we need to give them the tools to not only love and glorify God but to be able to doubt their doubts when those voices challenge them. I didn’t do this enough. We only evangelized as a youth group when we were overseas on a mission trip. I taught kids to share their testimony when they got baptized, but I regret not teaching them more on how to bring it up practically in their everyday lives. They know Jesus loves them, but do they know how to defend the historical Jesus we have written down in antiquities? I don’t know.

Students only need the gospel to be saved. My friends, keep preaching the gospel! However, let’s also help pack the bags alongside their parents as we prepare to send them off to the world when they graduate with the tools they need to know and defend their faith. Let us encourage them to lead others to Jesus without the help of their youth pastor or small group leader.

Bonus: I regret idolizing big events. I romanticized them and wish I didn’t. Kids are impacted by relationships, not big shows. However, I am not ready to talk about that quite yet. I still want you to invite me to speak at your next D-Now. 

Praying you learn from my regrets. I am rooting for you from the other side. I promise to not scoff at all the pizza, inflatable llamas, and other weird purchases my youth pastor makes. I support it! 

Some questions to consider:
What pathways have you created for students to practice sharing their faith in their local community? 

Do your students know how to effectively share their testimony to their peers?

When pressed, do you feel like your students could defend the basic tenets of the gospel? Do you feel like your students have an answer to the common objections to their faith?

Frank Gil

My name is Frank. I once ran over a possum.
If you purchase my products, your students will think you are awesome!

Find Frank’s DYM resources here!

This is part 4 of a 5 part series

In the past three posts I have discussed my regrets with bathing suit policies, empowering women leaders, and parent ministry. Today’s I look at my own ego and share how I preached way too much over the years.

I regret preaching so much

Plain and simple, but I was more focused on creating small group leaders that I didn’t develop any Bible teachers. I spent so much time coaching my volunteers on how to lead great small group discussions that I didn’t spend any time searching, discovering, developing, and unleashing Bible teachers. 

I had other youth pastors guest preach in my ministry and that was a cool pat on my back for being a nice guy with other churches. However, there were powerful voices in my own ministry that were untapped. With a little coaching, an hour or two a week walking them through an outline, and being a big cheerleader and believing in them, I had a ton of communicators in my own ministry. 

It wasn’t until the last two years of my ministry that I started developing and coaching my volunteer leaders to speak to students. I wish I started sooner. I could have gone on more vacations. More importantly, I could show up to youth group and just hang with students while sitting under the teachings of godly men and women speaking truth to students as well. 

Some questions to consider:

In a given year how many weeks are you preaching to your students? After you consider that ask yourself, do you feel that your students hear from enough voices in your ministry or are they hearing from you too much?

Do you have a relationship with other youth pastors in the area where you can share the stage or flip youth groups? Would you be comfortable with having guest youth pastors come in who are from different traditions than your current church?

Who are the leaders in your church, with a bit of guidance, could speak to your students? With the time you take creating your messages, could you spend one week working with someone else, to help them write a message to your students?

Frank Gil

My name is Frank. I once ran over a possum.
If you purchase my products, your students will think you are awesome!

Find Frank’s DYM resources here!

This is part 3 of a 5 part series.

In the first blog post, I wrote about how I regret making bathing suit policies. In the last one, I wrote about how I wished I empowered women more in my ministry. Today’s I turn to how I missed the opportunity to really care for parents more.

I regret not making parent ministry a priority

It took me six years after college to realize that being the youth pastor doesn’t mean you just pastor youth. You also pastor your volunteer leaders and parents. I am grateful for ministries, like Orange, that put a huge emphasis on coming alongside the family and partnering with parents to point students toward Jesus. I regret not spending more time critically thinking about how to do this.

I had the occasional parents’ meetings and monthly emails informing parents about what we were doing, the latest trends, and general information. I just wish I did more in coaching parents to create rhythms in their homes that made Jesus as much a part of their home life as evening dinners. 

I wish I could have taught about family devotions. More specifically, how to do them. One thing that I didn’t realize until late in my youth ministry career is that if the parents are on board, your youth ministry becomes easier. Do the hard work. You pastor more than just the youth. How can you help parents with spiritual practices in the home that will overflow into the lives of the students? How can you care for single parents struggling to parent alone? There are so many ideas here. We all know we should do this, but block out time to actually do this.

Some questions to consider:
What are the ways you are connecting with parents right now? Are you proud of what you are doing or do you wish you were doing more?

How have you empowered parents in your ministry? Are there any parents you can recruit to help pastor other parents?Is there time in your month where you can dedicate a few hours to think critically and create resources for parents to create in-home spiritual practices? Can you help parents connect with resources and you train those parents on how to use them to help create vibrant spiritual practices in the home?

Frank Gil

My name is Frank. I once ran over a possum.
If you purchase my products, your students will think you are awesome!

Find Frank’s DYM resources here!

Youth ministry friends, I am weary.

• Be honest in my weakness. Admit I’m in over my head. Be okay that I don’t have it all figured out. After all, when I am able to unapologetically admit my weakness, Jesus is made strong (2 Cor. 12:6-10).
• Watch my tone. When I’m weary, my snark and sarcasm take over. A trusted mentor once said to me, “If I’m dead wrong in how I’m saying it, it really won’t matter if what I’m saying is dead right.”
• Let my social platform be pastoral. Not political. Not a personal whiny session. Pastoral.
• I won’t doubt in the dark what God made clear in the light. I made a huge move last fall in obedient trust of where Jesus was leading. This past year has not played out even close to as I expected. As I walk through this valley, I will not fear. I will trust that He walks with me (Ps. 23:4; Matt. 28:20)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series.

In the last blog post I wrote about how I regret making bathing suit policies. Today’s post has to do with how I raised up leaders in my ministry.

I regret not empowering women more

This also came to me as a conviction after hearing Neely speak. I realized up until that point that the adult leaders I allowed in my inner circle were other men. The Billy Graham rule was the 11th commandment. (Coincidentally, we both have the same alma mater.)  However, I began to feel convicted because in many complementarian-leaning churches, the highest form of leadership a female could have was maybe a Children’s Director. What does that say to the females in our ministry? 

So, I wrote down some names of women in my ministry that I felt could handle more than their current role as a female small group leader and began creating roles in my ministry that offered them public roles of leadership. I then determined that I would give opportunities for women to speak to students and I would coach them on how to craft messages and exegete scripture. I created roles where women were leading and our students could see it. My regret is that I wish I did it sooner. There were so many qualified women in my past churches that I served at that I didn’t give more opportunities to and I hate that. 

I am a dude who grew up in churches that only placed women in leadership when it came to children’s ministry so I missed the ball when given the power to change that. I am grateful for Neely because I was able to raise up some amazing female leaders who helped make the student ministry awesome. 

I talk about this and more on my Podcast, 15 Minutes with Frank.

Check it out on Youtube:

Some questions to consider:
Regardless if your church is complementarian or egalitarian, how are you shepherding your leaders of the opposite sex? Do you give more opportunities for discipleship to those leaders who are the same gender as you?

What are the pathways of leadership in your ministry? How can a volunteer leader move up to greater roles of leadership if they desire to? 

For my male youth workers: Write down the names of two or three female leaders in your ministry who you can walk along and grow as a leader. What roles or opportunities can you give these women that offer them public and meaningful ways to serve your students?

Frank Gil

My name is Frank. I once ran over a possum.
If you purchase my products, your students will think you are awesome!

Find Frank’s DYM resources here!

Over the years in ministry, I have had the privilege to work with many great leaders. In my observations, I try and soak up as much as I can from those people. I often find myself asking them a ton of questions and picking their brain on how they lead and what habits they have as a leader. I am not shy to learn new skills when it comes to leadership and leading those around me. One of the greatest leaders I know once asked me a question that I ask myself almost daily.   

 “What would a good leader do?”  

This question digs in deep for me, and I have found three insights within this question that all leaders must understand. In this question, I am making the statement to myself that I want to be a good leader. In this question, I am also acknowledging that I don’t have all the answers and may need to seek advice for specific situations. Lastly, this question challenges me to NOT take the easy route when things get hard. Here are the three insights from the question “What would a good leader do?”  

1. Identity of a Good Leader 

I want to be a good leader, so what do I do to make this happen? James Clear in his book, Atomic Habits, argues that habits are the path to changing your identity. What this means is that if you want to identify as a good leader, your habits must reflect it. We all would say that we want to be known as a good leader, right? You must decide who you want to be. If you are an athlete, you make choices in your day that reflect your identity. An athlete takes care of his body. An athlete stays hydrated. An athlete is known as an athlete. In the same way, you must ask yourself daily, what would a good leader do? A good leader doesn’t react to a nagging parent, they pick up the phone and speak with grace. A good leader doesn’t brush hard conversations to the side, they go after them. A good leader doesn’t lose their temper easily. When we start to see ourselves as a good leader or strive to be one, we talk as a leader, we walk as a leader, and respond as a good leader because that’s what we are.   

2. Get Advice from Good Leaders  

Early in ministry, I had a hard situation that was way over my head. The first thing I did was reach out to one of my volunteers who was an amazing leader and ask him for advice. He helped me process and ultimately lead through this situation in a healthy way. Sometimes asking the question means we recognize we really don’t have the answer and need to reach out to other good leaders for help. If you are in a situation and you ask yourself, “What would a good leader do?” and internally you are freaking out and unsure of what the next step should be, then you need to ask for help. A good leader knows how to ask for help.  Surround yourself with leaders who are safe for you to ask for advice and receive honest feedback from.   

3. Don’t Take the Easy Route  

Asking this question in the middle of every situation allows you a few moments to step back and assess what is actually going on. Too many leaders talk themselves out of doing what good leaders do. We avoid conflict. We do not try and do new things because we are scared to upset that one person who is not going to like it. We lead from a place of fear instead of from a place of strength. When you are scared to have a conversation with an upset person, ask yourself, “What would a good leader do?” When you are passionate about making changes but are concerned with the pushback, you must ask yourself, “What would a good leader do?” As a ministry leader, the enemy wants you to believe that you are a bad leader and wants you to make poor leadership choices. When you fail, he wins. A good leader does hard things because they are what good leaders do.    

So, every day this week I challenge you when you pour your first cup of coffee or on your way to work, ask yourself this question, and be the leader God has called you to be. A good one. What would a good leader do? 

Bobby Cooley is a Discipleship Pastor in Katy, TX. He loves pouring into the next generation and their parents to build lifelong followers of Jesus.

He loves his wife and three blue eyed kids, great BBQ and the outdoors.

“I love being a part of DYM and helping youth workers win!” – BC

Check out his DYM resources here! 

This is the first part of a five-part series.

I accepted the position to become a campus pastor at my church a year ago. After four years of being a youth pastor at my current church and 14 years total of vocational youth ministry, my transition was complete when the new youth pastor who would replace me began leading the ministry. Since then, I have had the opportunity to reflect on the years I spent in youth ministry and to praise God for the growth I had experienced during that time. Twenty-three year old Frank was wild! 

As I get opportunities to talk with youth workers and share my experiences with them, I have come up with a list of what I wish I had done differently while I was in student ministry. As one of youth ministry’s biggest fans, I want to share my five biggest regrets so maybe you can learn from my mistakes. 

I regret worrying so much about swimwear rules

This is by far one of my biggest regrets, mostly because I hate that I have spent so much of my time being concerned about what teenagers wear when they swim. It was typically culturally expected in the church that girls wear a modest one piece and a shirt, while boys could wear whatever they wanted as long as it wasn’t a Speedo. It wasn’t until I attended DYM 100 and heard Neely McQueen explain the hypocrisy and subliminal messages that I was teaching my students by enforcing these guidelines. 

For years I kept saying, “Modesty has to do more with your heart than your hemline.”  At the same time, I had super strict guidelines about what girls had to wear when they swim. It is also really weird to think that we believe girls aren’t attracted to shirtless boys or are unable to lust after them like boys would to girls. There is so much inconsistency in this that I am embarrassed of every camp packing list I ever made.

Please don’t mistake me for saying that there shouldn’t be any rules. Some of this could be a cultural expectation and your church may force you to have these rules. Either way, I would encourage you to make any and all packing lists in community. Have men and women on your leadership team speak into what should be packed as well as dress code rules. I simply wish I just told students to pack a bathing suit, wear whatever they are comfortable with, and then teach our students to not objectify each other and respect others by not sexualizing them. (Why does that sound so obvious when I write it out like that now?)

I talk about this and more on my Podcast, 15 Minutes with Frank.

Check it out on Youtube:

Some questions to consider:

Where do you get your bathing suit policy from? Did you inherit it or did you come up with it on your own or did you just copy someone else’s? 

How are you teaching your students about respecting and not objectifying each other?  

When preparing for your next camp or retreat, who can you invite to review the packing list with?

Frank Gil

My name is Frank. I once ran over a possum.
If you purchase my products, your students will think you are awesome!

Find Frank’s DYM resources here!

Ministry is full of amazing moments where we get to participate in God’s kingdom work. As leaders, we experience many great things as we proclaim and live out the Gospel. Is it always easy? Nope. However, we have been called into a life of opportunity. 2020 has been an opportunity like no other to lead and minister to people in new and exciting ways.  

As I talk with other ministry leaders, I hear some of the same themes and patterns. Many of us are tired and weary as this season continues. There is no book on leading ministry through a pandemic. We have never done this before. Added to the uncertainty of the pandemic is a growing list of political rhetoric, racial tension and growing division in our world.   

If you find yourself growing weary, lean in hard to the Lord and ask for energy and strength that only He can give. Here are five signs you may be growing weary as a leader and what to do about it.   

1. You are not sleeping well.  

One of the first psychological signs of stress is an impact on sleep. There is a reason many counselors and doctors often first ask, “How are you sleeping?” If you continue the routine of poor sleep, it affects everything. This is a huge sign of weariness.  

What to do about it? I don’t have to tell you to go to bed early, but I’m going to anyways. Get off the devices, count sheep, do what you need to do to get some sleep.  

2. You are starting to feel isolated. 

Offices are closed, teams are meeting virtually, and you miss people. Alone is dangerous, and even if you have the best staff in the world, it is vital to do life and ministry together. Feeling lonely not only affects you mentally and spiritually but medical experts say that it is harmful to your health. Isolation will drain you and leave you unmotivated and weary. When you are lonely, your mind will start to create storylines and scenarios leaving you with increased anxieties. You become skeptical or passive to everyday events. Remember: alone is dangerous.  

What to do about it? If you feel isolated, reach out to your staff and leadership to set up a lunch or some type of gathering.  Confide in someone you trust about the way you are feeling. Sometimes all you need to do is vocalize what’s going on inside. If you let loneliness fester, it will only get worse. Be proactive.  

3. Every negative email, text or phone call hits you hard personally.  

Chances are that your emails are full of people sharing love and support for you, your church and everything you are doing. That same inbox is probably full of people sharing conspiracy theories, frustration and blatant disregard for decency. If you are like me, you do not receive the love but take the negativity personally. A phrase that I got from Carey Nieuwhof’s book, Didn’t See It Coming, is that “loud is not large.”  What this means to me is that often when I get those texts that cut deep, the volume I hear in those words may be loud, but they do not speak for the majority. This is a lesson I’ve had to learn even before the pandemic.  

What to do about it? When you get encouragement, embrace it and accept the fact that someone really does care about you and wants to encourage you. Do not blow that off. When you receive negativity, read it all and look for truth. Address the truth and throw out the rest. Never respond back via email or text. Always pick up the phone or ask for a meeting to address it. Lastly, bring in other staff or leaders to the conversation. You do not have to carry the load by yourself.  

4. You are struggling to do the small things. 

You get the major things done each week, but those little extra tasks have gone by the wayside. Those follow-up texts encouraging leaders. The thank you notes. Don’t forget about those small things that make you a great leader. When you are fatigued you can easily talk yourself out of doing those tasks. They matter and your people need them.  

What to do about it? Think back to before the pandemic. What were the small ministry details you did that you are no longer doing? These small things may not work in the current context, but you could probably think of a creative way to do them differently. Do them and do them well. 

5. Your family can see it.  

Someone recently asked my wife how I was doing. She has been a pastor’s wife for almost fourteen years and is good at protecting me. However, she told the truth in her own frustration with everything going on. The reality: she is weary, too. I have had to work extra hard not to neglect my wife and kids even though I recognize being tired. At the end of the day, all we have is those under our roof and nothing else matters. What are they going to remember about 2020?  

What to do about it? For some, you may need to ask for forgiveness. For others, you may need to reassess how you have been treating your family. Dig deep and evaluate how you have been at home throughout this. You may need to add or subtract some habits in the days ahead. Huddle up with your family this week and plan something special. May this pandemic draw you even closer together and not apart.  

Bobby Cooley is a Discipleship Pastor in Katy, TX. He loves pouring into the next generation and their parents to build lifelong followers of Jesus.

He loves his wife and three blue eyed kids, great BBQ and the outdoors.

“I love being a part of DYM and helping youth workers win!” – BC

Check out his DYM resources here!