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5 Feb 2017

Guest Post: Ministering to the Opposite Gender

By |2017-02-02T08:11:40-08:00February 5th, 2017|Leadership, Training|2 Comments

Guest post by Allison Williams

Youth Pastor

Reddington Christian Church

My high school youth group is predominantly freshmen guys this year. The way our midweek program is set up, there is a homework break for high school students between dinner and youth group. These freshmen fellas have organized a wrestling federation that takes place during this break. It’s a legitimate organization… there’s an $150 traveling trophy belt that the winner takes home weekly.

I simply do not understand wrestling. I am daily struggling to brainstorm ideas for how to keep them safe at youth group without killing the passion that they have for this sport. Just because I am a woman, and have no clue why body slamming my friend would ever be fun, does not mean I can blindly dismiss this wrestling momentum.

As a female youth minister, I often get asked the same question by my male counterparts, “How can I effectively minister to the girls in my youth ministry?” Truth be told, no one has every asked me how I relate to my male students. But I believe there are some universal truths for not neglecting to shepherd 50% of our student population:

  1. Show interest in things that you do not understand. Students love it when people are genuinely interested in what they are doing. Dive in: ask a student to explain the rules of the sport they are in, inquire about the band on their t-shirt, let them explain the difference between a regular manicure and a gel manicure. This is the stuff that matters to them. These small details come together to create their identity. When we dismiss these ‘little things’ they may feel like we are dismissing them as a person.
  2. Handle counseling delicately. If a female student needs to talk, do not immediately throw her at a female volunteer and abandon ship. Bring that female volunteer into the conversation and proceed together. It may be a topic that you need to bow out of and just let just the ladies handle. If that is the case, explain it to the student. But if you can handle the conversation (in the right environment, with the right safe guards), by all means handle it. If we are constantly handing the opposite gender off, they are going to feel passed over and second-class.
  3. Be gender sensitive when creating your space. I see threads online with youth ministers debating what gaming systems they should put in their youth rooms. Those systems are not cheap. And not to be sexist, but I have not had too many female gamers pass through my youth group. If we are willing to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on the guys’ atmosphere, what are we doing for the ladies? This isn’t necessarily a difficult or expensive addition. One of the easiest wins I’ve had with my middle school girls is Sharpies. I have metal cups with bright Sharpie markers laying all over our youth space with card stock nearby. These students create beautiful designs and posters. They do not even know the supplies are intentionally there for them. But I believe if nothing was designed with them in mind, they would feel that void.

I still have no clue what I am going to do with my freshmen wrestlers. But I do know that I am not going to shut them down without careful consideration. This is something they value and blindly dismissing it communicates something about their worth to me… it may even communicate something about their worth to God. So I will continue to youtube pro wrestling clips and google referee standards until I crack this case. Even though this is not natural to how I’m wired — my students interests are worth my time.

4 Feb 2017

Guest Post: The Power of Asking…

By |2017-02-02T08:09:40-08:00February 4th, 2017|Training|0 Comments

Guest post by Ben Lock

Youth Minister

New Heights Christian Church

One of the most difficult parts of a youth worker’s job tends to be recruiting volunteers, but it doesn’t have to be. Something that is required for youth ministries to grow is help. Many of us, myself included, sometimes wish that we could do it ourselves or clone ourselves to be the leaders we need. For better and healthier ministry to happen, we have to have others around the table. I heard it said somewhere that the more of your ministry that you are willing to give away, the more it will continue to grow. To gain people in our ministry, we have to recruit them. In my time as a youth worker, a lot of strategies that I have tried have failed. The one strategy that is successful though, is when I ask others to be involved. If people tell me that they cannot recruit anyone to help in their ministry, my first question I ask is, “Who have you asked to be involved in your youth ministry?” Here are some ways that asking people to be involved in your ministry works.

They see the need.

If you try to announce from the front stage, or through social media that help is needed, people expect that others will sign-up to help. On the other hand, if you go up to them and let them know the kind of help you need, that certain person may be more apt to join the team. In my experience of recruiting volunteers, way more people have said yes to helping than no, when I ask them face-to-face or by messaging them because they see the need. There are so many different options to show that there is a need in your ministry that needs to be filled.

It shows that they are valued.

When you personally ask someone that you would like for them to be involved in the youth ministry, it shows them that they are valued before they even begin. Out of all the people you could choose from, you chose them. They see that and are valued through it. People love to feel valued. Matthew felt valued when Jesus told him to “Follow me and be my disciple,” (Matthew 9:9 NLT). If you ask someone to be your disciple out of everyone in the crowd, it shows that you think they, out of all the people around, can make a difference in students’ lives.

You don’t have to do it alone

We never have to recruit by ourselves. The good news is that you can use the leaders already involved in your youth ministry to help. You can ask which people would be great to have involved, or to go a step further, have those certain leaders ask people to get involved. When I first started in my ministry position, it was like hitting the reset button on the Nintendo. We had to restart the game with our youth ministry. This meant recruiting new leaders for almost every ministry that I oversee. I had to ask a lot of people in the congregation who they see fit to be involved with the youth. I would then try my best to either ask in person, by phone, or text to ask if they would like to help with our youth ministry.

The power of asking others to be involved in your ministry can be a game changer when it comes to recruiting new leaders. It has changed how I recruit volunteers and is just one way to effectively gain new leaders to your respective ministries.

 

9 Jan 2017

Guest Post: FOUR REASONS WHY EVERY PASTOR SHOULD PRIORITIZE PHYSICAL HEALTH

By |2017-01-09T07:45:18-08:00January 9th, 2017|Training, Youth Pastor Life|1 Comment

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
— 1 Timothy 4:8 (NIV)

GUEST POST by DYM games guru Ken McIntyre

Some value.

For Jesus followers, it’s clear that spiritual training is of greater value than physical training. However, just because one thing is not as important as another thing, does not mean that it is not important at all. My guess is that you get that. I don’t know any sane person who would say that exercise has no value. However, I do know many who, although believing exercise has value, still choose not to exercise. Pastors included.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that if anyone should be diligent about their physical health, it should be pastors. When I say ‘physical health’ I’m not suggesting that Christians need to develop Steven Furtick’s size lats or Craig Groeschel’s size triceps (although good for them, that’s a lot of hard work!). Instead, I’m talking about being wise about our nutrition and, of course, exercising.

The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 2013-2014, 70.7% of adults over the age of 20 were overweight or obese. I imagine that number would ring true for ministers as well. In fact, I bet that number would even jump a few points for church leaders. The irregular hours we keep, the emotional stress we sift through, and the lunch appointments we regularly keep, all lend itself to eating a lot of convenience foods. And if you didn’t know, those are bad.

HERE ARE FOUR REASONS WHY EVERY PASTOR SHOULD PRIORITIZE THEIR PHYSICAL HEALTH.

1. BEING PHYSICALLY HEALTHY GIVES YOU MORE CREDIBILITY. 

Wharton professor Maurice Schweitzer, Ph.D., ran a series of experiments on weight bias in the workplace. His studies concluded that “People judge obese people to be less competent even when it’s not the case.” 

Yikes.

Those same people who judge obese people to be less competent are the people we stand in front of and preach to every week. So there’s that.

I can hear you googling the Bible verse that says something about God caring about what’s going on in the inside and not our physical appearance. I’ll save you the time. It’s 1 Samuel 16:7 and it says: “People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 

That’s kinda my point. People look at the outward appearance. And we’re called to reach people.

2. BEING PHYSICALLY HEALTHY GIVES YOUR TEACHING MORE TEETH. 

You can be an overweight or obese preacher, and the Holy Spirit is still going to move in incredible ways when the Word is taught. Having 30% body fat does not negate Isaiah 55:11. But here’s what I am saying:

If you’re teaching on self-control but it appears that you don’t have it yourself, your teaching will have less bite to it.

If you’re talking about spiritual disciplines but fail to be physically disciplined, the message may be hampered by the messenger.

If you’re talking about not gratifying the desires of the flesh but you have a problem with over eating and laziness, your message may fall on deaf ears.

3. BEING PHYSICALLY HEALTHY IS GOOD STEWARDSHIP. 

We only have one body, one vehicle to complete the mission that Jesus invites us into. Only one. Why destroy it with inactivity and truckloads of sugar?

1 Corinthians 6:20 says this: “you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

We are not our own. Instead, we are managers. Physical fitness isn’t vain; it’s good stewardship. We can worship and honor God with how we treat our physical self.

4. BEING PHYSICALLY HEALTHY IS DEEPLY CONNECTED TO SPIRITUAL HEALTH.

When I eat poorly or act lazy, I find I’m also spiritually sluggish. On the flip side, I’m more concentrated in prayer, study better, and have more energy for the tasks of my day when I care for my physical self. The revivalist Jonathan Edwards found the same to be true. In his biography, he noted that certain foods and activities greatly helped him to maximize his effectiveness.

“We know that God created humans with these two interconnected parts, and that the health (or sickness) of one can influence the health (or sickness) of the other. God made us and redeems us as whole persons, and it’s a Christian distinctive to care about it all — not just the soul, but the soul and body.

— John Piper

So there you have it. These are my four reasons why every pastor should prioritize their physical health.

If you are overweight because of a medical condition or something beyond your control, please don’t take any offense. This is not directed towards you. My guess is that you realize more than anyone how important physical health is. I’m more directly speaking to pastors who choose to not care for the physical bodies.

And if you are one of those pastors, I don’t want you to be discouraged either. The great thing is that you can make small decisions today, and tomorrow, and the day after, that will lead you towards your preferred future!

It’s impossible to overestimate the importance of spiritual training. Just make sure you don’t underestimate the importance of physical training. It does have some value.

5 Jan 2017

The Juggling Act Of Casting Vision & Being In The Trenches

By |2017-01-05T08:14:52-08:00January 5th, 2017|Leadership, Training, Youth Pastor Life|0 Comments

Part of your responsibility as the leader to get what you have in your head out into the hands of your people so they can carry out the vision God has given you for your ministry. In order to do this, you need to know a few things:

  • It’s not easy.
  • It’s an uphill battle.
  • People forget and need to be reminded… a lot.
  • It has to be clear and simple.
  • It has to move people emotionally.

Ministry is a juggling act. You need to plan services (hopefully far enough in advance), take care of leaders, go to schools for lunches, do pastoral care, do whatever your senior pastor adds to your plate that week, take care and invest in volunteers, write a sermon (or two) a week and much much more.

All of this needs to take place at the same time while your current ministry is still rolling week in and week out. Holy cow… that is a ton of work. I know what you are thinking, “That is a lot. I don’t know if I can do it. Where can I find the time? The people? The content?”

I’m telling you it’s worth it. You can’t afford to not do it.

Now comes the big question: How?

It starts with you

Before you even get to the culture and values of your ministry, you need to understand that you are the one responsible to keep the vision at the center and the culture and values alive. Before you even have the first meeting, before you even put the pen to paper, you need to understand that as a leader the culture and values to be kept in the future is up to you.

The culture and values you want doesn’t just magically transfer to your people; it is caught. Repeated over and over again, witnessed consistently, it catches a viral fire into the hearts of your youth ministry leadership.

I was sharing part of our vision and values with an intern recently. She was asking why I was rearranging the room from the normal set up of our weekends. She asked, “Do you have to do this?” I said, “No, but if I don’t we won’t get the atmosphere we want. Culture doesn’t just happen, it’s caught, and we have to be the ones who set it.”

When you compare you lose

Don’t assume that other youth groups you see on social media are all they’re cracked up to be. I don’t know about you, but I usually catch myself thinking, “Man, how cool is it that their students lead that! Why don’t ours? Their leaders are so incredible, why are ours more like Secret Service agents than pastors?”

There are a couple of things you need to be aware of. First off, the internet only let’s you look at a small portion of that particular ministry. And it is the portion that youth worker wants you to see. No youth ministry is all roses and happy days. Celebrate with what God is doing, but keep it real. And secondly, chances are what you see is the culmination of what we are outlining in this chapter. What you are seeing is years in the making. What you are seeing is the combination of great vision casting, great culture setting and a great God working in that ministry.

This conversation got me thinking about this last 2 years of me being in my current position. The last 2 years I would say has been the toughest yet most rewarding times in ministry I have had to this point. We have seen and experienced a complete culture shift. We are not where we want to be yet, but we are on our way to a healthier and vibrant ministry.

How?

As I look back, our team has set the culture. We have been very intentional with everything we have been doing, with how everything has been done, how it has been communicated, how the atmosphere looks and feels, to the music that is played and how we worship and tell stories in service. We, as a team, have modeled what we want to see. What gets celebrated gets repeated. After 2 years we are JUST NOW beginning to see the culture we desire (and I can’t wait to see what happens in the years to come).

You set the tone.

Do you want a culture of inviting people? You as the leader be inviting people to come to church and tell stories about it and then give your students an opportunity to invite students to something. Do you want students to have blast and worship passionately? Don’t sit backstage but go in the front and model to them how to worship. Get your leaders off the walls (which we had to do) and get them to model what worshipping looks like. If you want students to jump around, you jump around. If you want them to know it’s okay to raise their hands, show them it’s okay. Do you want a fun and inviting atmosphere? You have to fun and inviting to your volunteers and they will be with students. Our team tries to sit down with our leaders at coffee or lunch once every six weeks or so. I ask our leaders 1) How are they doing? 2) How are they doing in our ministry? 3) How can we help them to do what they do better? Then I say to them, “This is what I want you to do with students.” After 2 years, we are starting to see leaders take students out and be in their lives outside of our Wednesday nights.

What’s my point?

You do it.

You do it, do it consistently and tell people why.

Enforce it. If something goes against it (which sometimes people will because change brings tension), it’s your job to keep the culture you want. This will help people see that this is important and this is the culture you desire and the vision God has placed on our heart.

You as the leader set the tone of what’s to come. The hard part about setting the type of culture you want is that it takes time.

It takes a while to catch. People will always wonder why you are doing what you are doing but once it catches, it takes off and there is momentum that cannot be stopped. If you want something to change in the culture of your ministry, you do it. You lead it and tell people why… tell them over and over because people forget.

It takes a lot of work but let me tell you, it’s always worth it. It begins with you.

 

@justinknowles3

21 Dec 2016

Things Your Best Leaders Do

By |2018-03-15T17:49:59-07:00December 21st, 2016|Leadership, Training|1 Comment

The other day someone asked me what I think makes some of the best leaders. Here is what I wrote down and I won’t lie, I forget some of these things and this is a great reminder for myself.

The best leaders:

Are students, not know-it-alls. They are in groups to learn themselves, not to try to convince students they know everything. When they are leading a Bible study they are open to learning and are on a journey with students. Groups that grow together, stay together.

Spark conversations, not dominate them. The sole job of a leader in a small group is to get students talking about their faith. The best leaders are the ones who know how to ask good questions to get students talking. Jesus was the best at asking questions and leaders need to follow that example. Poor leaders think this is the time for them to shine and let the students know how “theological” they are. If they just want to talk, they shouldn’t be leaders.

Don’t have a “perfect” Instagram life. What I mean by this is for most people, they post the “highlights” of their life making it all good and no bad. The best leaders let students in on their dirt too. They are real, open and authentic with their life and faith. When leaders are, students will start to be real, open and authentic with their lives too.

Listen well. We always think that we need to say the right thing when in reality, students want someone who will just and listen and be present with them. Does this mean we don’t say anything at all? No. It just means we are a place where students know they will be heard. The best leaders are the ones who listen intentionally.

Want to multiply. The best leaders want their group to grow. They want to create a culture of inviting friends. The best leaders want to take on new leaders to train them up on how to create a learning, authentic, inviting culture that they would then go out and start their own group…multiplying themselves.

Not all your leaders will be these but even if you get a few of them to start, you will see your culture begin to shift over time. Find them, love them and multiply them because the best leaders create more “best” leaders.

@justinknowles3

19 Dec 2016

Some Random Thoughts On Student Leadership Teams

By |2016-12-19T08:42:35-08:00December 19th, 2016|Leadership, Training|1 Comment

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This year I took over our student leadership team. It has been so fun. It is also a whole different dynamic than leading the entire group as a whole or even leading my guys only small group. There has been somethings I have done with them in which I think have worked well and somethings I won’t do again but overall, this group of students is so fun to be around and pour into in different ways.

The way ours is set up is:

  • Consists of each student being nominated to join by our adult leaders and then fill out an application. You can see our app HERE.
  • Right now, our leadership has 17 students ranging from a few different high schools.
  • High school only.
  • We meet every other Sunday night.

As I have been processing this year and where we want to go with them for the rest of the year I thought I would share some random thoughts:

It’s not for every student. Student leadership is reserved for students who are bought into our ministry and show some leadership skills. Students in our ministry are nominated to be in leadership and be a part of our ministry in a different more involved way.

You can lead them differently than how you do a majority. I like this group because they are ones who are usually in a small group already and already have someone pouring into them so it frees me up to lead them in a different way. I try to lead them how I would lead our adult leaders. We go through different material have different conversations than they would have in their own small groups. We go through straight leadership classes and discussions. I pull out excerpts from books I have read, read and talk about them. We watch leadership videos, from Global Leadership Summit or Craig Groeshel Leadership Podcast and walk through some of those things as well. It’s amazing when you give students to step up to different conversations what comes out of them.

Let them know things others don’t know yet. Last night we met and I gave them a 10,000 foot level view of our 2017 series and events calendar. Giving them a glimpse of what is to come they become so excited about it. These are some core students and when they get excited it spreads. They are IN! They tell friends, they bring more people. They can talk up any event or series for you because they know and they too are excited.

Not only let them dream and plan, but actually use their ideas. We had a planning night with our student leadership where they brain stormed some ideas, series and events for their peers. Click HERE to have an idea of what that looked like. All of that is awesome, but if you come back and plan the year without taking any of their ideas it will just deflate them. What is the purpose of planning WITH them if you DON’T take anything to make it happen. Once they see their event or idea in the plans to actually see it’s going to happen, it shows that you really do care for what they have to say and they might actually know what their peers would actually like. Crazy right?

Give them roles of leadership in front of their peers. Our students don’t only meet and plan for future things but I want them in leadership roles in front of their peers. On Wednesday nights we give our students some roles to participate and pull off service. They greet people as the walk up, I grab them to meet brand new students who are there alone, they pass out pens and bulletins for the teaching time, they distribute the communion elements and offering baskets, they are on trash duty in our worship center when a service is over and they do some announcements and things on stage. Do they have time to hang out and be with friends? Of course, but they do have roles to play.

Have fun. Just because they are in leadership doesn’t mean it’s all business all the time. They are still students and students like to laugh and have fun. Our meetings might look different from all the other meetings I am involved with students, but fun is a universal language. In our meetings we have THE HOT SEAT, where each student will eventually sit and the group has 2 minutes to ask whatever questions they want to that student. We just had our Christmas party last night and had food, exchanged gifts and laughed a lot. It’s a good thing.

So I am learning a lot leading this group of students. These are just a few random thoughts as I am processing through continuing to lead them this year. So fun!

 

@justinknowles3

5 Dec 2016

Things To Keep In Mind When Students Confess “It All”

By |2016-12-04T15:30:01-08:00December 5th, 2016|Leadership, Training|0 Comments

“I have never told anyone this before so…”

“I’m about to tell you this thing not even my parents know…”

“I have been keeping this to myself and have been struggling with it for the longest time…”

All things that you have probably heard in some way shape or form from a student or leader of yours at some point in ministry. One of the great privileges we as youth workers get to experience is a front row seat to life change. One of the worst things we as youth workers get to experience is the baggage that comes from the front row seat to life change. We get to see what God is doing actively in the lives in our students but we get to help wade through the crap that comes along with it. It’s not that we don’t want to, just there are some deep stuff our young students are doing and experiencing in which literally makes your heart heavy for them and in all honesty, you are not sure how you are going to help them through it.

This is where I tend to lean on the Lord the most, because a lot of the times I have no idea what I should say to a student who just laid out their deepest hurt, struggle and pain. How we as leaders handle and respond to these situations are crucial because it could make or break their view of God.

Is that a big statement? Yup! I know but it’s true.

When a student becomes vulnerable enough with you how we respond is huge. It could shape the way they view church, your ministry and God because you are that representation. Too often we are obsessed with trying to say the right thing instead of worrying about how they feel in that moment. “But you need to speak the truth!”

You do, I’m not saying otherwise, but most students won’t even remember what you say to them but they will remember how you made them feel.

When we get the amazing opportunity to speak into their lives because they have chosen to open up to us with their struggles, here are some things we need to keep in mind:

Watch your face – Yes, watch your face. There will be some things that comes out your students mouths that will straight up shock you. The last thing we want as students are pouring their guts out is for us to have a shocked or disgusted face as they are telling us. Keep it cool.

Listen and ask questions more than giving “right” answers –  Are there times in which to talk and give answers? Yes. The time is just right away. As leaders we need to be more like Jesus in these times. Jesus was the master at asking questions. Actively listen to the student, ask clarifying questions, get to the heart behind the issue.

You don’t need to give the full answer right then and there – Most of the time, you are going to be on a time crunch; service is over, parents are there etc. What a great opportunity to speak some life into your student, pray with them and then have a follow-up conversation during the week over coffee or lunch. This shows them 1) you care about them outside of your program 2) gives you time to research and prep for a more in-depth conversation that needs to be had.

Saying, “I don’t know” is okay – Students stump me all of the time. I know I’m not smart enough to know all the answers. So I have no problem saying, “I don’t know” but we have to follow it up with, “But let me find out and we can talk about it.” Again, this goes on to extend and expand the relationship. It creates follow-up and more conversation.

Work on being loving first, giving the right answers second – Like I said before, yes we need to speak the truth but we need to be loving. Speaking the truth does not give us the right to be jerks. Our goal should be this when it comes to students telling us “real things”: How do I communicate this in a way that is loving and truthful so they come back next week to continue the conversation. If I am just spewing right answers and not aware of how it’s coming off, that student might not come back and if that is the case, what was the point? What is the point if we are right in our answers but lose the relationship? That is no like Jesus at all. We need to speak in a way that is truthful but our students want to come back (even if they don’t like/agree with what truth is according to Scripture) week after week because they know they are cared for as people.

We can’t change anything – We can’t change our students. We can’t save them. Only Jesus does that. We are hear to listen, guide and point to Jesus who could transform us from the inside out.

We have the opportunity to be on the front lines of our student’s lives. Usually, the front lines are a messy and crazy place. How we respond is huge. We want to speak truth in love and have them come back because they know they are cared for.

 

@justinknowles3

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