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12 Sep 2022

We Don’t Have Youth On The Weekends

By |2022-09-07T19:44:05-07:00September 12th, 2022|Parents, Volunteers, Youth Ministry Ideas|6 Comments

We don’t have a program for youth on the weekend… intentionally. I understand this is just our context, and many churches do have weekend programs, and there is nothing wrong with it (maybe). For our context, that is not just some random decision, but it fits within our vision and strategy for the young people of our church. 

My question to you would be, do YOU have one?

We want our youth leads to be hyper-focused on pouring into and connecting with their leaders on the weekend. During weekends (for the most part), leads are there to be available and connect and perform campus needs. Leads can use this time for having intentional coffee and catch-ups before, between, and after services. We also run a youth section in our main auditoriums to connect with new families and students and help make our youth seem present on campuses. 

Why?

  • Leaders are already there, and this allows them to not be out another night a week. 
  • Touch-ins allow you to be their pastor, allows you to gauge where they are at, get feedback, and keep accountable with DYMU/correcting convos. 
  • For part-time leads, it’s a better use of your time to pour into leaders and students. 
  • Allow for connections for recruiting new leaders to join as group leaders. 
  • The result is better, more communicated, and cared for leaders. 

For students on the weekends, we have two options we want them to be a part of. 

  1. We want to sit with their families who come or in our youth section of the auditorium. Our lead pastor is their pastor. We get to serve students during their time in our ministry, but what happens when they graduate high school and they are not familiar with the lead pastor of our church? When they graduate high school, they graduate from our youth group and church. We want them to know our lead pastor. 
  2. We want students serving. The long-term strategy to keep students engaged in church post-graduation should be getting them on Sandals Church Teams to help them be a part of something bigger than themselves with the goal of Attending a service, Serving a service. Why? When they serve, they are rubbing shoulders with other adult believers who are pouring into them, students are a part of something outside of our youth ministry, connecting them to the church overall, and they are growing in their faith by serving the church. 

Again for you, it might be a thing. And that’s ok. What I don’t think is okay is doing it “because it’s always what we have done” so therefore, you just keep it. If it’s thought out, strategic, and intentional, I can get behind most things.

My hope is this might just get you thinking about what weekends can be for you.

If you want to listen to the Youth Ministry Podcast episode on how to build community amounts leaders, like mentioned above for the weekends, you can CLICK HERE to listen

@justinknowles3

Need some resources to hand to families and students to use during the week or when you aren’t meeting? Check out these great devotionals on DYM!

 

8 Jan 2022

Letter to Parents as We Start 2022 in Our Youth Ministry

By |2022-01-08T14:40:20-08:00January 8th, 2022|communication, josh griffin, junior high, junior high ministry, Parents|75 Comments

I just sent out a parent email as we kicked off our new series, My Myself and iPhone. I couldn’t be more excited for this! If it helps/inspires/prompts you with a letter of some sort to your parents, here’s mine:

Hey JHM Parents!

Welcome to 2022! What an incredible and wild ride we had in 2021- we’re excited about the plans to help partner with you in building a faith that lasts in your teenager! Here’s some AMAZING opportunities coming up that will help you as a parent, challenge your teenager and I hope encourage both of you as you journey the New Year together:

FOR STUDENTS: JHM Life Groups Session 2 Kickoff
THIS Wednesday @ 7pm (for 10 weeks)
Students meet all together for a quick bit of fun and games then we separate all over the church campus for small group time to share God’s Word and share about our lives together. Throw in some snacks and a couple of caring adult leaders and you have the perfect Life Group night! Not signed up? Here’s a quick shortcut to get your student in a Life Group!

FOR PARENTS: Intentional Parenting w/Doug Fields
THIS Wednesday @ 7pm (all 10 weeks)
You do NOT want to miss this! You will walk away from these weekly sessions encouraged, engaged, and relieved! Doug and Cathy Fields share weekly (while the kids are in their JHM Life Group!) some strategies and ideas to be intentional, make memories and build a strong connection with your son/daughter in these challenging years. It’s in the Upper Room, right above the Mariners Cafe. Not signed up? Here’s a quick shortcut to get yourself in before it fills completely up!

THIS WEEKEND: Me, Myself and iPhone
THIS SATURDAY/SUNDAY @ all JHM services in the Youth Building
This Christmas I went from Xbox on my 4K television to our new Oculus Quest 2 VR headset then walked my dog (kinda really scrolled on my iPhone the whole time) then came home to watch a Netflix show on my iPad. I mean … there are LOTS of screens and LOTS of temptations and influences in our lives! The next 4 weeks we’ll dive into biblical principles that will help teenagers navigate screens – whether they have their first phone or not.

Let’s have a great 2022 together! As always, feel free to reach out if we can be of support to you in any way.

Blessings,
Josh Griffin
JHM Pastor
Mariners Church

16 Sep 2021

Are You Proactive Or Reactive With Parents?

By |2021-09-15T20:11:04-07:00September 16th, 2021|Leadership, Parents, Small Groups, Volunteers, Youth Ministry Hacks|11 Comments

It really is interesting how many parents drop off their students and never meet the people they are dropping off their student to be with for two hours a week. It’s also really interesting for how many leaders have not reached out to know parents of their students.

We have an incredible opportunity to not only minister to our students, but their families as well.

We all have heard stories of students who first started coming to church, got saved and then their families started to attend as well. When we are intentional with our students families, we can really partner with parents/guardians because they are with their students the other 166 hours during the week compared to our 2-3 hours.

This is why in this season we have been really challenging those who lead small groups to be intentional about reaching out to, not just the student, but their families as well. We should be making the first move. We want to be proactive in making the first connection.

Here is the ask of our leaders: Make one connection per week with one family.

If you go on Yelp and look at reviews, most of the time you will see the negative ones. Why? Because when things are good, people don’t really write reviews because they don’t think about it. No one talks to the manager at a store when things are going well. People only tend to write reviews when they have a bad experience. People only ask to speak to a manger when something is wrong.

Same with parents. It could be all good and no one will say anything but far too often we are reactive with parents. When something happens, thats when we make the first connection with them. We are already starting in the negative.

When we are proactive, we can start to build relational equity, build up the positive and IF something goes down, we already know the parents/guardians. It will not only set your ministry up better but your volunteers to win with the families as well.

What could this look like?

  • For some families, they might come to church, so just physically meeting them and knowing their name and getting their cell phone number would be a win.
  • For some, just letting their parents know how awesome their kid is after group or through email throughout the week. Parents love to hear how awesome their kids are.
  • For some, you might be close to their family and be invited to dinners. Do it. Any time you can be with the family, it’s a good thing.
  • Take 30 seconds and send them a text asking how they are and how you can pray for them specifically. You will be amazed how simple and powerful that is.
  • Shoot an email updating them on what conversations and group has been like (obviously keeping the confidence of your students) but parents love to be in the know.
  • Connect with the parents/guardians via social media. Most of GenZ parents have it. It could be an easy way to share a story or make a connection with them.

As we have been pushing this with our small group leaders it’s been awesome to see the proactive relationships blossoming.

@justinknowles3

19 Mar 2020

Why We Kind of Kicked Our Middle School Students Out of Big Church

By |2020-03-11T08:31:44-07:00March 19th, 2020|Leadership, Parents|0 Comments

I could list reasons why we kind of kicked our 6th graders out of our main service, but there’s only one: developmentally appropriate learning. Now, I say, “kind of,” because we provided an alternative worship experience for the 6th graders but have left the option of participation up to parents. If our current facilities and personnel allowed, we would have made accommodations for our 7th and 8th graders, too, but we’re working towards it.

As a middle school teacher for 15 years and an education major, I have experienced the developmental differences firsthand. Based on their current tween brain wiring, they simply cannot process much of our adult service. Unless your main service pastor includes humor, objects, stories, intriguing questions, visuals, and incorporates these at a quick pace, they will become disengaged and disinterested. It is no one’s fault; it’s just nature. It is merely how the tween brain processes information. And a well-intentioned illustration included in the sermon addressing middle school students simply isn’t enough. As someone has said, “The heart can only receive what our minds can conceive.” I don’t think that’s in the Bible, but it makes sense and fits with the research. 

Think about why we separate MS and HS students. Isn’t it because they are at different developmental stages on every level? So, how much more is the gap between adults and middle school students? Imagine asking our adults to sit only in children’s services. I’m sure some would like that since some children’s services are better than the adult ones. How mature would they become taking in a diet created strictly for children? I am only asking us to think about it.

I am all about integrated worship with families as much as the next church leader, but I am also about making the most of the infrequent opportunities we have with our middle school students. 

Now, I want to clarify. I am not saying, “This is the way.” You are welcome, Mandalorian fans. But I am saying this is a way to consider. We need to try and put ourselves behind the eyes of our middle school students and see what they are experiencing. I think we have to re-examine our approach to integration, including strategy and frequency, and all of our middle school program experiences based on what we know from the research on tween brains and their physiology. Orange’s It’s Just a Phase, So Don’t Miss It was based on some of these ideas, and Mark Oestreicher, a prolific author, and partner of The Youth Cartel, has discovered some great insight in this field of study. 

In an ideal world, every family attending your church would be living out Deuteronomy 6 (parents discipling their children), which isn’t dependent only on the Sunday experience, but instead on the long-term, intentional, and strategic training of families by our local churches. But this isn’t an ideal world, and the church is not an ideal place. We may be making too much of a shared one-hour experience over intentional family discipleship, of which most would consider strategic middle school programming as a crucial part.

I don’t believe this is an either/or scenario. I think it’s both/and. We can create and foster environments for integrated services and middle school only services. My thought is if you have the facilities and the personnel to pull it off, go for it. If you can pull off a once a month or quarterly integrated worship experience, go for it. It’s also okay if you are unable to or simply decide that this is not the best strategic plan for your middle school students. They won’t be damaged by being in “Big Church.” Although perhaps based on your main service pastor, they will. You would know more than I would about that.

I want integrated worship, and we have it. But I also want to maximize the small window of time we have with middle school students weekly. You don’t have to pick; you can do both, and I believe both are necessary. But that is a decision to be made thoughtfully and prayerfully between you and your leadership.

James is the Youth & Family Pastor at Kingdom Church in Morgantown, WV. He has over 20 years of Student Ministry experience and is a Youth Ministry “Lifer.” He adores His wife and is a dad to 2 boys. He enjoys playing golf with his two sons and anyone who is willing to ride in a golf cart with him.

See his DYM Resources here.

13 Mar 2020

5 Questions Parents Can Ask Their Kids About Coronavirus

By |2020-03-13T08:27:44-07:00March 13th, 2020|Leadership, Parents|4 Comments

With the headlines and news reports regarding COVID-19 or coronavirus, it’s easy for anxiety and fear to set in. Chances are that your students are worried about what’s going on. They have questions and feelings they don’t know how to process 

As you continue to minister to students through technology in the coming days, don’t forget about the parents. Parents probably have questions and feelings that they are processing too, so show grace and love to them as well.  

As the primary faith trainer, parents can leverage the headlines for discipleship and you can set them up with a win. Here are five questions you can give parents to encourage conversations for discipleship. 

  1. Who do we trust?  

We trust the Lord. He is on his throne and no matter what is going on around us we put our trust of Him. He is faithful and true. He is not surprised by any of this and we trust Him. Ask your kids, “Who do we trust?” Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” No matter what happens in the days ahead, Jesus remains the same.   

  1. Are you afraid of what’s going on? 

Asking this question may get a simple answer of “No” and that’s ok.  Let it pass and do not insight fear into your kids but if they say anything else, have the conversation. Talk about what they are afraid of, what they are hearing and what they think is happening. You don’t have all the answers, sometimes just verbalizing our fears gives us hope that they do not control the situation. John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.” Jesus is the giver of peace. Help your kids see this peace in the middle of fear.     

  1. What can we do for those affected?  

This is a great opportunity to pray. Pray for those who are sick and for those in the medical field working hard to find a solution to this problem. Pray for a cure, an antidote to the COVID-19. We can also talk about all the families who may have lost a loved one around the world. If you have younger kids, they may not understand this, but for those who are older, this is a great time to talk about grief and the hope we have in Jesus. Psalm 62:5 says, “Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him.” We can rest in our hope.     

  1. What should we do?  

This one is easy, follow the rules that the CDC has told us to follow. Wash your hands, don’t touch your face and sneeze into your arm. What we can do from our homes is pray. Again, this is a great opportunity to teach your kids about prayer and the power of prayer. Prayer is an invitation to go to the Lord on behalf of others, it is also a way to posture our hearts to rely on the Lord. 1 John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” We serve a God that not only loves us but he also hears us. Help your kids know that the Lord hears their voice.  

  1. Did you know that Mom/Dad is __________________? 

Use discretion on this conversation. Know your kids and what they can handle. One of the best ways to open lines of communication is to find common ground. Chances are, you have questions and feelings about what is going on. Open up with your kids, things like “Did you know that dad is worried about the stock market?” Honestly, I am worried about the financial ramifications of all of this, so I can share my thoughts and feelings. This may not apply to every kid, but letting your guard down lets your kids know they are not alone. On this one, we can point our kids back to the first question, who do we trust?  

Who do we trust?   

May this be our mantra throughout the coming weeks. May we rest and know that Jesus is king and help our kids see years from now that in the middle of this, mom and dad trusted in Jesus. 

Bobby is a Discipleship Pastor in Katy, TX. He loves pouring into the next generation and their parents to build lifelong followers of Jesus.

He loves his wife and three blue-eyed kids, great BBQ and the outdoors.

17 Jan 2020

Generation Gap Game at Parent Night

By |2020-01-16T10:28:04-08:00January 17th, 2020|Games, Mariners Youth Ministry, Parents, Teaching/Programming, Youth Ministry Ideas, Youth Pastor Life|12 Comments

So this game just absolutely crushed last night! Generation Gap was a huge hit for our parents, they loved  knowing half of the answers because they were from their generation and were about flat stumped when we asked a question that today’s teenager would know. I want a sequel to this one! If you haven’t used it yet … almost guaranteed success. So fun!

Here is a great screen game to test the most retro students and the most hip adults! Get a team of students and a team of adults (or one of each) and see if they can name the popular item from the other person’s generation. The students must name popular things from the 80’s and 90’s, while the adults must name things from today’s student culture. It’s a great game to get adult leaders involved, or to play at a parent night!

JG

27 Jul 2017

The 4 Types of Students on Every Mission Trip

By |2017-07-27T09:48:32-07:00July 27th, 2017|Parents, youth mission trips|2 Comments

Trying to teach your students to be missional? Helping them live out their faith both here at home or around the world? Good for you! Well, before your next mission trip – heed this warning – there are only 4 types of teenagers that go on mission trips. See if you can recognize them in their habitat:

NOTE: If you’re bold, you could even print out and frame this article, then attach individual names to where they belong with Post-It notes. You’re welcome in advance for this idea!

I’m Just There for the Instagram
Ah yes, the social media picture hunter. They will endlessly pursue the perfect picture of them laughing playfully, surrounded by kids of a different skin color, allowing the spotlight to literally be on them and not their mission. They potentially will contribute very little to the trip, but will take enough pictures to fill Throwback Thursdays for the next decade. #missiontrip #iwanttogoback

The Souvenir Hunter
This is a mission trip? I’m just here to bargain shop the street vendors. This student becomes an expert and bartering and tries to haggle with the airport barista at Starbucks™ on the way home, too. They have a list of people they need to shop for which absolutely consumes them and in some cases even brought an extra suitcase for their haul. Which is good because now they’ll have a chance to negotiate the extra bag fee at the airport check-in counter.

The “All in” Christian Kid
There’s an overzealous Christian kid on every youth group trip. He or she will bring their Bible in a protective case to everything and make other students feel guilty for not doing the same. They hold up the vans to pray over someone. Actually, now that I describe them, they don’t sound so bad after all. I wish I had a couple of these in my youth group. Why do all my students want to just take pictures and buy stuff?

The Kid Who Will Remember this Trip Forever Because of the Life Change They Experienced
OK, so we’re obviously having a bit of fun here. The prayer for all our students, even if they come just for the pictures or souvenirs or whatever their motivation is – is that they would experience life-change brought about by our Savior Jesus Christ. Mission trips local and global are a powerful tool in our ministry to students.

In fact, just recently my wife and I got to welcome our son home Austin in the airport and it was incredible. 1) He was SO embarrassed by our sign, 2) I’m SO thankful for people who believe in him and helped fund his trip. It WAS life-changing and one he’ll remember forever.

You can’t help but laugh inside just a little bit when you see a student going all in on pictures with their $5,000 DSLR Canon camera. In the slums. With gear that would make an aspiring wedding photographer jealous. Or when you see a student with 15 bags of souvenir shopping swag like this was a trip to the mall with a Back to School clearance sale.

Maybe even nudge them just a little bit if it’s too far over the top. But most of all, sit back and enjoy the fact that for many if not all of them – this is a defining trip for their worldview, their faith, their life. And you got to have a little part in leading them to that deeper place. Well done.

OK, now get those sticky notes and get cracking!

JG

21 Jun 2017

How to respond to a nastygram

By |2017-06-21T06:31:08-07:00June 21st, 2017|Parents|16 Comments

A few days after returning exhausted from a week-long mission trip, I woke up to the worst kind of e-mail, a nastygram from a parent chewing me out for a comment made on the mission trip.

Upon reading it, my first thought was “Seriously? I spent a week pouring into your kid and keeping her safe and this is the thanks I get?”

In that moment, I wanted to quit. I wanted to say, “Forget it. I’m done dealing with thankless parents.”

But I didn’t.

Instead, I reread the e-mail. I thought through all the things that in my anger, I wanted to say to this parent. Then I summoned up all the grace I could muster and responded.

Rather than try to convince this parent that I was right and he was wrong, I simply apologized for the problems my comment had inadvertently caused his family. I affirmed him as a parent and reiterated how much I value he and his wife as partners in our ministry.

Then I hit send and filed the e-mail in a folder especially reserved for this kind of nastygram, called “Frustrating e-mails.” Over the years, I’ve found that the act of physically moving an e-mail from my inbox to my frustrating e-mail folder allows me to do something tangible to actually release hurtful e-mails and stop dwelling on them.

I’m willing to bet that I won’t hear more from this parent about this matter.

When a parent sends a hurtful nastygram, they need us to hear what they’re saying. They need some form of validation.

They don’t need us to argue with them. They don’t need to know our rationale for why we behaved the way we did or our justification for saying whatever was uttered.

They simply need an acknowledgement that they’ve been heard and an apology for whatever it is we did or said.

That’s hard… especially since nastygrams trigger real emotions. They make us feel useless. They demean us. Often, they leave us feeling wronged, as though something we did or said got taken way out of context. In those instances, we long to defend ourselves, to prove we’re right.

However, it’s not our job to be right all the time. Being right is actually far less important than maintaining and restoring relationships with those involved in our ministries.

So, the next time you receive a nastygram, work to maintain and restore your relationship with the sender. Acknowledge their hurt, apologize for your role in creating it, and hit send.

Sure, that won’t give you the satisfaction that comes from being right. But it will give you something else: An ongoing relationship and the chance to show others the same grace God continually shows you.

20 Dec 2016

One of the Top Culture Blogs for Youth Pastors

By |2016-12-20T14:48:37-08:00December 20th, 2016|Parents|1 Comment

homeword_culture-blog

Congrats to the Homeword Culture blog on being ranked in the Feedspot’s Top 30 blogs about youth culture. It is a valuable resource to youth workers – and if you haven’t heard of it yet, head over there to check it out and give it a spin. We’ve been thankful to partner with their content as part of the DYM Newsletter app for members, it is some of the very best stuff out there from a fantastic organization. Congrats!

JG

23 Nov 2016

10 questions to help parents decide whether or not their child is ready for an international mission trip

By |2016-11-23T07:15:24-08:00November 23rd, 2016|Parents|3 Comments

This year my youth ministry is offering two summer mission trips: A domestic trip to a nearby town (that we offer every other year) and an international trip to Haiti.

Some of our families do both trips but others choose only one. We know this. In fact, we say outright that the international trip might not be the right fit for every student in our ministry for a variety of reasons. Whenever a parent asks me whether or not I think their student should participate in our international trip, I ask them these 10 questions:

  1. Has your teen been on a mission trip before? I sometimes require this for international trips. Why? Because previous mission trip experiences enable teens to have an understanding of what to expect; they also give them a framework for the experience they’re about to have.

  2. Does your teen take their faith seriously? It’s okay for mission trip participants to be in different places in their faith. However, they have to take it seriously. They have to know that everything you do will be tied to faith. They have to be willing to grow in their faith and to share it with others.

  3. Are you and your teen willing to make the commitment necessary to prepare for this trip? International mission trips require preparation – spiritual, cultural, financial, and team-building. If you’re not willing to commit to being all-in, then an international mission trip may not be the right fit for you.

  4. Does your teenager enjoy traveling? To go on an international mission trip, a teenager need not have extensive travel experience. However, to flourish on an international mission trip, they should enjoy traveling.

  5. How well does your teen do away from home? Some teens suffer from a great deal of anxiety whenever they’re away from their parents or home for an extended period of time. Teens who thrive on an international mission trip will be able to get by with limited (if any) contact from their parents (or family).

  6. How flexible is your teen? Things WILL go wrong on an international mission trip. Schedules will change. Things will NOT go as planned. If your teen needs to have a carefully controlled schedule in order to function, an international mission trip might not be in their best interest.

  7. Is your teen a picky eater? When teens go abroad, they should expect to eat different foods than they normally do. Teens who are exceptionally picky may find this difficult (and stressful), so much so that it might be difficult for them to stay healthy during the mission experience.

  8. How does your teen handle high-stress environments? Being in a foreign culture where you don’t speak the language and are with a team of people 24/7 is STRESSFUL. To thrive on an international mission trip, teens need to be able to adapt quickly and handle stress in healthy, constructive ways.

  9. Is your teen curious about the world around them? Our God is a God of wonder. Teens who are curious about the world around them want to learn. They listen. They treat people, customs, and places respectfully even if they don’t understand them. Such teens do remarkably well on international mission trips.

  10. How positive is your teen? During the course of an international mission trip, your teen will inevitably get upset. That’s okay. It’s even good. Mission trips evoke emotions. However, teens who thrive on international mission trips don’t stay negative. They choose joy. Doing so buoys not only them, but their team.

Asking parents these questions may be difficult. However, helping families decide whether or not to participate in an international trip is important. In fact, it’s critically important – to both them and the health of your team. An honest conversation now can save everyone a lot of heartache later. By working with families to help them choose the best trip for their student, you will set both them – and your team – up for an incredible encounter with God.

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