1) Don’t Try to Be One of Them

There’s a big difference between relating to middle schoolers and trying to be one of them. Deep down, they don’t want you to be their peer—they need a shepherd to guide them. Relating to them means understanding the season of life they’re in and compassionately pointing them to Jesus.

2) Don’t Expect Them to Be What They’re Not

Middle schoolers are still growing. Too often, I hear adults complain that they’re annoying or frustrating. Yes, we should hold them accountable if they’re acting like a 4th or 5th grader, but we can’t expect them to behave like high school juniors or seniors. That wouldn’t be fair. Set the bar appropriately high. When my son was five, I didn’t expect him to act like an eight-year-old, but I also didn’t let him act like a three-year-old.

3) Give Them Something to “Wear” at Home

Spiritual growth shouldn’t stop when they leave youth group. Their parents are the most significant influence in their lives. As youth leaders, our job is to partner with parents, equipping them to reinforce faith at home.

4) Encourage, Encourage, Encourage!

Don’t focus only on their shortcomings. If a student has five A’s and one C, celebrate the A’s instead of harping on the C. Encouragement builds confidence and helps students grow. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that our words have the power of life and death—use them wisely.

5) Inside vs. Outside Ministry

If you truly want to reach a student’s heart, prioritize connections outside of youth group. The best way to influence a middle schooler is by letting them see your life as you follow Jesus. How do you treat your family? How do you handle everyday challenges? Discipleship is more caught than taught. I remember many things about my youth pastor, but what stood out the most was the way he treated our waitress.

6) Talk to Parents

This can feel intimidating, especially if you’re young, but it’s crucial. Tell parents how much you love their kids and that you’re praying for them. Parents appreciate resources—provide as many free ones as you can. Many parents want help but don’t know how to ask for it (or even realize they need it). If you plan a parent meeting, make sure you’re offering something they can’t get from an email—respect their time.

7) Give Middle Schoolers Responsibilities

They may surprise you—they actually want responsibility! Help them transition from being consumers to owners in the church. We are most like Jesus when we serve. When students get involved, they stop seeing church as something they attend and start seeing it as something they belong to.

8) Be Intentional About What You Teach

If you can clearly communicate with a middle schooler, you’re probably one of the best communicators in your church. But too many youth workers wing their messages instead of preparing them well. Write it out, practice it, and don’t just rely on charisma. If you wing it, you’re not preaching—you’re performing.

9) Think Long-Term

Your time with these students is temporary, but their faith journey continues beyond your program. You might not see the final product, but your faithfulness now matters. Plant seeds and trust God with the growth. Remind your leadership team of this often—they need to see the big picture, too.

10) Spend Time with the Father

If you’re not spending time with God, you’ll have nothing to give your students. The most important thing you can offer them is an authentic relationship with Jesus. When your own faith is strong, your middle school ministry will thrive.

*Guest Post by Tim Wadsworth