In the last couple of posts, we’ve been looking at some interesting search terms people used to find my blog. Today we’ll be discussing this one: Why do you want to be a youth leader?

I don’t know why people are searching on this term. Maybe they are a youth leader and now doubt if they made the right choice, if this is what they’re supposed to do. Maybe they’re thinking about becoming a youth leader and aren’t sure about their motivation. Or maybe they’re looking for deeper, spiritual truths about being a youth leader…is it just something you do or do you need a God-given calling of some sort?

 

Why did I want to be a youth leader?

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This season is almost at an end and that makes it a natural time to look back and reflect on another season of youth ministry. It’s great to think about what went right.

What were big successes this season? Where did you grow as a person, as a child of God and as a youth leader?

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There’s no such thing as a perfect family, but some of our teens face a more difficult situation at home than others. Their parents are divorced, they’re growing up in a single parent family, they’re part of a complicated family structure with step- and half-siblings, you name it. Or they have to deal with unsupportive parents who are not doing a good job in raising them, who take their own frustrations out on their kids.

How do we help our teens to deal with difficult situations like this with their parents? Is there anyway we can help them, equip them? Can we in anyway compensate for what they miss out? Here are some of my thoughts.

1. Help them understand

While it’s certainly not their task to be the adult in the relationship, it does help if teens understand their parents better. That means we may need to take the time to explain difficult family dynamics, or educate them on the effects of for instance divorce or loss.

We need to be careful not to condone any negative behavior, but we can try to make the teen aware that there are reasons for it. Also, it’s important to realize that this is especially tough for younger teens who have a hard time understanding abstract concepts and emotions, so make it as clear and concrete as you can.

If we can help teens understand their parent(s) better, it’s a good first step in coming up with a constructive approach to the situation.

Some of our teens face a really difficult situation at home. How can we help them deal with this?

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There’s a saying I came across years ago and I’ve always remembered it. It’s a quote by a famous Indian diplomat named Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit and it goes like this:

The more we sweat in peace, the less we bleed in war

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I kept hearing and seeing this name pop up in theological discussions: N.T. Wright. When someone is that interesting, I always figure it’s time to make up my own mind and read a book he’s written. And so I did. N.T, Wright is a well-known scholar on the New Testament and a bishop in the Anglican Church.

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We’ve been talking about the destructive effects of gossip and how you can address gossip amongst your youth leaders. Now it’s time to focus on our students and what we as youth leaders can do when they gossip.

Teens nowadays grow up in a world where gossip is rampant, big business even. Tabloids pay big bucks for stories about celebrities and many people have made a living spreading gossip about others. There’s even a whole TV series named after this almost favorite pastime for many teens, especially girls (‘Gossip Girl’).

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Last week, Adam McLane shared a very personal and touching post about his senior year of high school and how much it meant to him to have a sanctuary, a safe place. It made me think about my own not too easy high school years and what helped me not only survive, but in a way thrive: my friends.

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Gossip can have potential destructive effects in your youth ministry, as we explored in last week’s post. That’s why it’s important to have a no tolerance policy in your youth ministry when it comes to gossip. Since your youth leaders set a huge example here for the youth, you’ll have to start with addressing the issue of gossip amongst your youth leaders. The biggest issue of course is gossiping about the students in your youth ministry.

If you observe your youth leaders gossiping about students amongst each other, do address this issue. Remember that ignoring a situation or pattern of gossip, is effectively the same as approving it. It can help to have a formal policy on gossip in your code of conduct, but even that is useless if you don’t enforce it and actively live it out.

 

How to address gossip

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‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’. If there was ever a lie it’s that one. Words can encourage and build up, but they sure can destroy and hurt as well.

In my experience, one of the most destructive ways words can have impact is through gossip. Gossip is so often seen as a ‘minor sin’ in the church and in youth ministry: a bad behavior, but relatively harmless compared to other, far more ‘dangerous’ sins. Yet gossip has a destructive power that can wound people deeply and that leaves scares that take years to heal. Gossip is anything but harmless and it’s a behavior you need to address in your youth ministry.

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Jared Herd has put into words what many 20 and 30 somethings feel in his book More Lost Than Found. There’s a disconnection with how faith, how Christianity is experienced, is lived out. He describes a ‘fishbowl effect’, where church and life are separated, where church and culture are at odds and where Christianity is more comfortable providing scripted answers than real faith.

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