If you look in Webster’s dictionary, I’m pretty sure lock-in is defined as a youth worker’s hell.
OK, maybe not… But let’s be honest, they’re certainly not our favorite events, or at least, they’re not the easiest events.
Maybe they’re also not even good events for us to hold.
Now, before we go any further, let’s clarify something. Throughout this post, I’m talking about lock-ins: Overnight events held at a church for a youth group in which there’s little to no structure and even less sleep. I’m not talking about retreats that are structured, filled with purposeful content, and mandate at least a little sleep.
For decades, lock-ins have been a staple of youth ministries throughout the country. My own junior high and high school youth group held them frequently and as a teenager, I loved them.
But then, during my rookie year in youth ministry, I held one that was a complete disaster. The kids outnumbered the adults 10 to 1 (I’ll NEVER make that mistake again) and as a result, there were all kinds of shenanigans.
Left jaded, when charged with creating a youth ministry from scratch at my next church, I quickly decided not to do any lock-ins. Sure, we did three overnight events a year – a summer mission trip, fall retreat, and the 30 Hour Famine – but they all had structure, content, and sleep.
Having escaped lock-ins for five years, imagine my chagrin when I arrived at my current church and inherited a youth ministry calendar that included MONTHLY lock-ins.
Let me say that again.
MONTHLY lock-ins.
OH THE HORROR.
Despite this, having vowed to make changes slowly, I kept the first lock-in on the calendar.
It was a mistake.
During the lock-in, I saw what traditionally happens at a lock-in unfold:
Teens divided into their typical cliques, making it readily apparent who was in and who was out.
It was a social free for all. Used to no structure, the teens refused to do any organized games, etc. Instead, they simply wanted to roam the church, going up and down in our elevator all night long because it was the best place to talk. This was great for the seniors, who knew each other well. It was horrible for the freshmen, who knew no one, and couldn’t even fit in the elevator where the seniors were chatting.
As the night wore on and students became increasingly tired, their moods grew increasingly worse. People started snapping at one another and fighting with each other. Feelings were hurt. People cried.
Despite my best efforts to get students to go to bed, having never before had a lights out, I lost that battle. Since kids were still up, my other adult leaders and I had to be as well.
Worse still, I heard from angry parents afterwards, upset because when their teens arrived home, they were cranky and tired, unable to do anything but sleep the rest of the day.
That experience, combined with a grad school class on adolescent development and a greater understanding of how important sleep is for the still developing brain of adolescents, made me rethink the wisdom of lock-ins.
I now believe that lock-ins do far more damage than good in a youth ministry setting.
I might even argue that no good can come from lock-ins.
Because I believe this, I slowly phased out lock-ins that first year.
I haven’t done one since.
And you know what?
I never will again.
Instead, I’ll continue holding a few short, fun events each year that give teens the chance to grow in their relationships with each other while laughing and having a good time.
Unlike lock-ins, short fun events won’t destroy the culture of welcome we work so hard to create the rest of the year. They also won’t leave teens tired and irritable for days afterward.
As a result, everyone wins: Me, my youth ministry, teens, and perhaps most of all, families.
I always smoked weed and had some sort of sexual encounter much more then kissing at lock ins ! It was amazing !!! I’m also not even religious hahahaha 22 – ga USA
Good for you! Lock ins were a fad that ended up lasting way too long. They were originally created in a very drastic and bold reaction to the massive youth rebellion of the 70s brought on by the hippie movement of the 60s. The church at the time truly thought they were losing their kids to Satan right before their eyes. Sneaking out of the house and getting back before Mom and Dad woke up was the new fun thing. Some may remember the PSA announcement on TV that went, “do you know where you’re kids are?” which was an effort to combat the problem. The church responded. “Come stay up all night here at church instead” or “if you want to be defiant and sneak out of the house, come here and we’ll have food and fun” was the logic and unspoken intention behind a lock-in. Parents would wake up, kids would be gone, they’d call the church and find out they were there at a lock-in and go back to bed without worry. It was a win win. Later, we turned it into something else that had no purpose and did’t work.
I appreciate this. As a mom I have never felt like boys and girls spending the night together in a church setting makes sense, but I have gotten a lot of push back.
My question is, How is a lock-in beneficial? And it’s always the same answer: it builds community. Spending the night builds community? So, by that logic, shouldn’t guys and girls spend the night together before marriage? It’s a flawed thought process.
As a participant at a handful of church lock-ins during jr high school, the descriptions of lock-ins in this article are far-removed.
I was born in 1960, so my 12-13 yr old self was early 1970’s. Our church- Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) didn’t refer to them as lock-ins & I’m pretty sure I never heard that term until years later.
Differences in my experience:
1. There was always an organized plan. Not that that there weren’t any break times, but there was a overall purpose to the entire event- such as planning the youth service where we were in charge of the worship service one Sunday a year.
2. There are always planned sleep time. We brought sleeping bags and slept on the hard tile floor of our fellowship/parish hall.
3. The gathering was she-specific. There were no high school kids present. It was only 7 & 8 grade kids.
The older group had their own activities.
4. Even though we had a decent sized congregation, by singling out certain age groups, the number of kids was much fewer.
The next morning we got up pretty early, had breakfast and headed out to raise money for the American Heart Association. (Yes, I realize it was a different time and we were able to ask people on the street for donations and they’d receive a balloon for the Heart association. )
5. We grew closer as a group. Many of us are still friends to his day, even though 99% of us have moved away from that town.
6. The lock-ins described above sound like bedlam.
Rhetorical question: is it still possible to run something like this today or is the liability too great for a church to take on?
I understand them not working in many situations, but you must understand that every church is different. I have a small youth group of no more than 12 kids. We do one lock-in a year, which is unstructured, and it goes over very well. We just play games from 6:00-12ish, then watch a movie before separating guys and girls to different areas, with each having a ‘”sleeping room” and a “staying up room.” Works great for our small crew.
I think it really depends on the church. I’m a youth pastor with my husband, and we love lock ins. We do two a year.
But I think having no structure and no sleep is a very silly way to do lock-in’s. You are basically setting yourself up for failure.
There needs to be activities that have purpose. We always start ours with a Nerf Battle which the kids always get a kick out of then have a Pizza break then do another game then have dessert, snacks, and watch a movie. Lights out are at 1/2am. Next morning, we take it slow and do devos together over a little breakfast and coffee.
Our youth kids know that certain things do not fly, and we have strong personalities. I mean, you have to when dealing with teens. We never deal with attitude problems or cliques.
To say they have no purpose isn’t accurate for everyone. Our kids love them. They have so much fun every time, and we’ve never had parents complain about their kids sleeping all day.
All this to say, it’s not one size fits all the way this article makes it seem.
Your experience highlights the pitfalls of lock ins and the shift to shorter well structured events is commendable. Creating an atmosphere that enhances relationships without compromising the overall culture is key and it is evident you have found a more beneficial path.
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