Jared and Alanna’s wedding was great, it was good in every way.
Reflection is an important part of my spiritual life, I’ve had to make it important because it is my nature to be impulsive and rash. Barely a day goes by where I don’t go to bed thinking about what happened that day. There are some things which cause me to pause longer than what’s usual, weddings do this for me.
I begin with the abstract (do I ever leave it?): I love the idea of a wedding, the definition and commitment and statement it makes to the world. So much of human relationships are fuzzy and undefined. They are plagued with confusion and uncertainty; and these lead to greater insecurity, co dependency, and manipulation, the list goes on… I love weddings because they are a CLEAR line in the sand.
Particular to myself, every wedding reminds me of the vows I made to the mish, and the wedding serves as a reminder to not be such a slacker.
particular to Jared and Alanna: it was so great to be a part of their wedding. It was so great to pause and thank God for the faithfulness they’ve displayed over the years. They have such a rich history, a wonderful wealth of a spiritual foundation in their lives. They have loved Jesus for so many years. I know they are young, but they have stood long enough that they are in the minority of the faithful.
During the ceremony, I was filled with emotion (that is, an emotion different than my favorite emotion, the one I call “thought”) a couple times. I wasn’t thinking that was going to happen. I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, but I was surprised. It is a good thing to know someone for years and years.
It was so cool to see the circles of community and friendship. There were people who have invested into Jared and Alanna… people who were their peers….and people Jared and Alanna have been pouring into. So totally great.
Now, it’s impossible for me to think about something and not come up with the negatives. I won’t bother defending or explaining that here.
There was also a touch of sadness for me last night, not a lot, but a little. and here’s why:
I also saw a deep sadness in the eyes of a half dozen or so people at the wedding. People with whom I used to do life with on a regular basis, but no longer do. I saw people who didn’t let their love of God teach them how to love themselves. I saw people who had been stuck in the same ruts for years. I saw broken friendships and added hardships. And while I most definitely do not have a messiah conflict (I can’t prove this to you), I couldn’t help but think, could I have helped them better when I knew them? Where were my failures that I ought not repeat?