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19 Aug 2024

Building Strong Relationships with Parents and Guardians

By Ronald|2024-08-05T13:47:39-07:00August 19th, 2024|communication, Parents|3 Comments

I heard a youth pastor recently say that youth ministry would be easy if it weren’t for the parents! I know it can often feel like we are ministering to very willing students who are parented by flaky parents. I’ve certainly felt like that over my years of student ministry. But now that I’m getting older and have students in my own ministry, I’m beginning to see that those flaky parents just needed a little help from their youth pastor, especially since that parent is now me!

Here are some tips to help you build strong relationships with parents and better minister to them and their students.

Communicate Well and Often

I have seen youth pastors send out an email that announced for the first time that a retreat was happening in a month and that a $200 per student fee was all it took to sign up! As a parent, I realize I need much more time to plan things! As a youth pastor, try to make sure that you let parents know when big events will be as soon as possible. Fall retreats need to be communicated as soon as summer wraps up. Things happening in the spring should really get communicated in December. Summer camp and mission trips must have save-the-dates sent out sometime in January!

This comes from a parent who loves to hear about things frequently. Don’t just think one email is enough. Communicate regularly! It would be great to send a weekly email to parents reminding them of big and small events and even the teaching series you’ve got going on. The more you communicate, the more trust you build!

Host Parent Meetings

As a parent of teenagers, I can often feel like I’m alone in this endeavor. What helps me out is knowing that other parents are also parenting their students and going through the same struggles as I am! Parent meetings are a great place for parents to see that there are others in their church who are having the same issues.

You can also use parent meetings to remind parents of upcoming big events, let them meet their kids’ small group leaders, and get them involved in what’s happening in the student ministry! I always liked to host these during the big season beginnings—one in the fall, one in the spring, and a much more informal get-together in the summer.

Provide Parents Resources

The most frequent question I would get as a youth pastor from parents was usually something like, “Do you have any resources to help me with…?”

Knowing what resources I could send to parents was such a help for the parents who came up to me at that time. As a youth pastor, you are an expert in students. Because of that, you probably see many resources that deal with what students are going through. Keeping a list on your phone of books, podcasts, and blog articles dealing with specific issues will make you look like a rockstar when a parent has an issue they are struggling with. I have always liked highlighting resources like this during parent meetings and emails!

The more we communicate to parents and show them that we are student ministry experts, the more trust we will build with them as we minister to their students. And the more trust we have with parents, the easier time we will have ministering to their students!

12 Oct 2022

Youth Workers and Mental Health

By Ronald|2022-10-12T04:57:38-07:00October 12th, 2022|Leadership, Mental Health|5 Comments

I have learned to minister well to students and leaders struggling with mental health issues. I am patient, empathetic, a strong proponent of getting diagnosed, seeking counseling, and finding if medication is needed, and if I try really hard, I can even just listen without offering suggestions. I’ve learned a lot in my years in ministry about how to care for others, whether through learning to care for my wife Sarah, through learning how to care for students (usually by asking Sarah), or even through pursuing a degree in psychology and counseling. Because I have put in the effort, I’m fairly good at taking care of other people. However, I’m not good at taking care of myself.

A couple years ago, I was in a turbulent season. I was living in a place of unresolved conflict, though I tried my best to get it resolved. I just couldn’t make others come to the table to resolve it. I lost a lot of sleep. I would often go to bed with heart attack-like pains in my chest that would keep me awake thinking about the conflict and what would come of it. I spoke to my boss at the time, who is a good friend. He told me that wasn’t normal. He thought maybe there was something more going on inside of me, that maybe I should check into whether or not I had anxiety. “I’m just a worrier,” I countered. No big deal. No need to seek help or get treated. I guess I give advice better than I take it.

Fast forward to the end of February of this year. I had a full-blown panic attack while driving, because another driver hit me on the highway in a snowstorm and didn’t stop. I started to worry that I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, I wasn’t. But I was having another panic attack, the first in a while. Reluctantly, I finally went to the doctor to talk about this, because having one while driving and feeling the way I did freaked me out. Guess what. I have generalized anxiety, which surprised absolutely no one that knows me well. If I had taken the advice I’d been giving out, I could have been diagnosed and treated years ago. But I didn’t. I focused on taking care of others and minimized my own experiences and struggles. Why worry about it when I could just worry about everyone and absolutely everything else? Plus, I figured I didn’t have anything, because it didn’t manifest in the same way or as often as most other people I knew with anxiety.

I’m a few months into knowing that I have anxiety and getting treated for it. You know what I’ve found? My advice is actually pretty good. Seeing a doctor, seeing a counselor, taking medicine — they’re as good for me as they have been for the people I’ve ministered to over the years.

In ministry, I think it’s easy to bury your own burdens to focus on other people’s burdens. It feels selfless and altruistic. But when you don’t take care of yourself, you come to a point when you can’t take care of others the way you’d like. Of all the decisions I’ve made in the last year, going to get help and taking care of myself by letting someone else care for me might be the best one I’ve made.

Jeff is the Campus Student Pastor at The Chapel in Libertyville, IL. He and his wife Sarah have been married since they were 19, a fun fact that students find more fun than parents. Together, they have two sons.

Need some more resources on youth workers, mental health, and taking care of yourself? Check out these resources from DYM!

In order to sustain ministry for the long-haul, youth workers need regular times of rest and spiritual renewal.

Youth workers are often tired, lonely, and struggling to survive their week-to-week responsibilities. This retreat will remind youth workers of their secure hope in Christ, inviting them to move away from fear-based habits and return to hope-based habits.

This guide to a half-day retreat is designed to help you reflect on your hopes and your fears as you do youth ministry. It’s designed to help you intentionally reflect on what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. It gives you a chance to write a new prayer, offering to God your biggest fears and hopes.

What burdens are you carrying?

Don’t underestimate what a day of rest can do for you and your soul. Take Jesus up on His invitation to rest.

This resource will help guide you through a time of solitude to find renewal – but not by turning on Netflix and taking a nap. This kind of rest will lead you to find time away from ministry, teenagers, family, and co-workers to be alone with the One who called you into your position.

In a season that has felt like anything but “normal,” full of uncertainty and change, anxiety and grief, Jesus’ invitation to you is the same as it was for His disciples after a full day of ministry: come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. – Mark 6:31 (NIV)

How sweet is His invitation to be in His Presence and receive from Him! This prayer retreat has been prepared with love for you as a minister in this challenging season. You’ll be guided in how to prepare your mind, heart, and environment, what to anticipate, and how to journey into a time of thoughtful reflection, journaling, and prayer as you step away to meet with God.

7 Mar 2022

Mental Health and Family

By Ronald|2022-02-28T13:03:02-08:00March 7th, 2022|Leadership|6 Comments

As youth workers, I think we do a good job of talking about mental health and teens, although there are always ways we can do better. But what happens when those struggles hit too close to home and you find yourself coping with severe mental illness in a loved one? I’m willing to bet I’m not alone in that struggle, but unfortunately as ministry leaders, it’s not something that gets discussed enough. We struggle to keep up the facade that our lives must be in order and everything should be idealistic and happy. But for many of us, that just isn’t the reality. And for a long time, this has been my reality. A year ago my husband was officially diagnosed with severe mental illness, and it has reshaped my life. But through this journey, which often feels more like climbing Mt. Everest, there are some things I have learned.

Be honest with your team and church leadership

The first time I took my husband to the hospital, and even before that, our church staff were some of the only people who knew what was going on behind the scenes. They were praying for me, jumping in where needed, and in general, being the support system I lacked, because dealing with mental illness in a loved one is lonely and isolating. I over communicate and have learned to be upfront and honest about when I need specific prayer, advice, or when I need support to maintain my ministry duties.

Seek professional help for yourself

I wish I would have done this sooner than I did. I waited until things were so bad that I felt I was trapped in this new reality and was losing myself before I sought professional counseling. I told myself that because I was coping well and was maintaining everything I usually do, that there wasn’t much a therapist could teach me. I was very wrong. Going to counseling has been the single best thing I have done for myself. When you are taking care of a loved one with a mental illness, you often have to pick up the slack and take on many new responsibilities. This usually means that you will sacrifice yourself and put yourself on the back burner. That’s how you burn out, especially in ministry where burn out rates are already high. Seek professional help. Chances are, you’ll know pretty quickly if it will be helpful or not. And if the first person you see isn’t a great fit, don’t be discouraged. I tried two therapists before I found the one that was a good fit for me.

Ask for help and let things go

This is the hardest one for me because generally, I have maintained all my normal duties. But there have been times when I couldn’t and felt very guilty for that. I felt as if I was failing as a pastor because I couldn’t make every meeting that week, or lead the weekly Bible study, or even preach some weekends. One of the things my senior pastor told me early on was that he is not a mind reader and if I need help, I need to ask for it. Recognize that you are not superhuman. You cannot do everything all the time, especially now.

Take care of you first

This seems counterintuitive when you are living with someone with a mental illness. You are always worried about them, taking care of them, and taking care of everything else that needs done. But chances are, especially if it’s your spouse, there is no one to take care of you or put you first right now, so you need to sometimes. That means you need to make sure you are always safe, both physically and mentally. That means you need to take seriously sabbath time and days off. Prioritize healthy habits and self-care. You cannot care for someone effectively if you are not being cared for.

I could go on and list far more things I’ve learned, but I think as ministry leaders, these are some of the best tips I can offer. And remember above all else, you are not alone. There is a God who loves you and holds you in his arms. There is a God who sees your pain and knows how weary you are. And that God will never leave you, never abandon you, and will give you perfect peace and his strength. Lean into that. Know that you are seen, you are loved, and you are not alone.

Ashley Weyant

I’m the Children & Youth Pastor at Ebensburg UMC in Ebensburg, PA. I’ve been involved in youth ministry off and on, but have been a bi-vocational youth leader for four years. I love youth ministry and am passionate about seeing students grow in their relationship with God!