I had two friends in conflict with one another. Conflict is too strong of a word. The were polite, but not personal; and both felt like the relationship wasn’t where it ought to be. Mix together a few misunderstandings, a few grudges, a few assumptions. . . all of these worked to create a terrible pattern of communication. Time—years, by the way—made everything worse.

They chose be to mediate. YIKES!! I don’t want to get in the middle of that!

The conversation was a huge success, NOT because of any thing I did. Here’s what they did to make the time well spent:


  • Each had an open mind and an open heart. They came ready to learn and ready to soften.
  • Each had agendas, but not hidden agendas communicated through innuendo and veiled comments.
  • Each came prepared, before we met they looked deep to see past hurts and regrets. They communicated pain with feeling and fact.
  • Both were FEARLESS: expressing their passion, stopping short of HOT ANGER and not settling for PASSIVE DOORMAT
  • Both listened well, not working to craft the perfect rebuttal or attack
  • Both took ownership and apologized for the offenses they caused


PERFECT INTERRUPTION: complete refusal to let the past dictate the present, the comfortable patterns were challenged and recreated. So cool to see godliness in action.