Today and tomorrow I want to finish the series that I began last week on Married 7 days a week (I was away speaking this last weekend and couldn’t finish Sat/Sun). Basically, my idea with this blog series is to list some simple actions we can do every day to improve the direction of marriage. Not every marital action has to be BIG… granted some marriages need big help, but many of our marriages simply need some consistent, simple actions that can and will change the trajectory of a marriage over time.

Here’s the M-F list:

Monday is Minimize
Tuesday is Talk (which is really connect & listen)
Wednesday is Words
Thursday is Touch
Friday is Fun!

Simple actions that you can take every day of the week. Today, Saturday stands for Serving!

If you’re anything like me, you know that there’s something very unnatural about serving. My natural reaction isn’t to serve. I feel much more comfortable waiting for others to serve me.

To serve Cathy in my marriage, I have to acknowledge that, on my own, my relational instincts are selfish. But the good news is that I’m capable of change… and so are you!

Selfishness is easy, it doesn’t require intelligent to be selfish—you simply must be breathing.

Even following Jesus doesn’t guarantee a win over selfishness. Jesus had to teach his closest followers that it should be different among them and serving was the route to greatness (Mt. 20: 20ff).

The battle in marriage is: do I (1) obey Jesus and serve my spouse, or (2) obey what’s natural and serve myself (or wait to be served)?

When was the last time you stopped to do what was personally uncomfortable to serve your spouse?

I’ve discovered that a marriage that has “serve” in its equation isn’t about making sure you serve in the big ways. I had a lady tell me, “Oh, my husband is good at serving, he paid for my trip to London.” Great! That’s a big act of service—it’s nice to have a husband with dough. But, what’s more empowering to a relationship, is not the occasional extravagant act, but the regular small ones.

    Here are some small, regular acts of service:

  • Going out to dinner where he wants to go.
  • Not insisting on listening to your favorite radio station.
  • Listening instead of talking.
  • Learning to comfortably say, “Let me do that.”
  • “Let me get that for you.”
  • “I know it’s your day to drive the kids to school…let me do it.”
  • “I know you’re planning on paying the bills tonight…let me do it.”
  • “Let me fold the clothes, you rest.”
  • “I know you have a bunch of calls to return, let me do them.”


Can you give up a comfort and practice making at least one sacrificial act every day for your spouse?

If you want to win… serve.


Question: What is the most difficult aspect for you to make this happen? Share your thoughts here.


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