What’s your full name? Jerry Danger Varner

Where did you grow up? Cape May, NJ

Tell us about your church: name, location, website. Southside Church in Chesterfield (Southside of Richmond), VA 

What’s a nickname you’ve been given…but you hate. Why? In high school, I was given the name “Lumpy” because of the many weird lumps on my skull. You can see why my receding hairline is no laughing matter.  Soon the world will see and know.

What’s your favorite TV show from the 80’s? (If you are too young to remember the 80’s, pick A.L.F.) Small Wonder  (ALF was an idiot. The only good thing about him was that he ate cats.)

Computer or TV? Is there any comparison, really?  We don’t have cable so I’ll go with computer (iPad).

Would you rather kick a puppy or make a baby cry? What kind of sadist asks these questions?  I’d rather make a puppy cry.  Can you imagine the talent it would take to pull that off?

What’s a recent EPIC youth ministry mistake? Relying on email to register our group at a statewide retreat. (“Curse you, techonology!”)  Thankfully it all worked out….sorta.

Have you ever left a kid on an event/camp/retreat/missions trip/etc.? Have you ever wanted to? No and no.  If I leave them somewhere, that’s just more time I’m gonna have to spend dealing with retrieving them.  I’d rather grin, nod, and just get them home to their parents.  Or the police.

What do you enjoy doing outside of youth ministry? Tennis, hiking, skating, writing, walking (and other exercises) with my wife, and eating egg salad.

Are you a good dancer? You tell me…..*watch this!*

What color shoes are you wearing? Blue.  And yes, they’re suede.

What’s the worst injury that’s happened on one of your event/camp/retreat/missions trip/etc.? Broken arm.  Then there was that energy supplement overdose and consequential stomach pumping.  Fun fun.

How good are you at keeping receipts? Does your church administrator love or hate you? I’ve grown in my ability to keep track of my receipts. I’ve gotten it down to a science.  It’s breathtaking, really.

What would you do if you could be invisible for one day? What do you mean IF? 

Mac or PC? PC – Cuz that answer ticks off the hipsters and haters.  Nah, just kidding.  My computer is provided by my church, and they’re all PC.  Obviously I’d rather use Mac for all the creative work I do, but alas.  I have not.

If you had a pet sloth, what would you name him/her? What do you mean IF?

What is one of your irrational fears? Answering 22 questions in a row.

What is your favorite lunch meat? I’m too afraid to answer.