When we believe something to be true about ourselves it determines how we live each day. What we see around us can either inspire us or incapacitate us. In this blog series, we are looking at the top 5 lies that girls believe about themselves and the world they live in. {Part 1, Part2}

Lie #3- My Value Is Earned By The Opposite Sex


If our bodies define us than the attention we get for our bodies becomes the way we earn our value.

Girls have been told and shown that their value is determined by those of the opposite sex or even just by the attention they can gather from them. Not to bring up the Miley incident again because who hasn’t talked about it yet…but we can assume based on that incident that even Miley believes that by making herself more sexy or attractive to the opposite sex, she creates more value for herself and her work.

A good portion of the confusion about relationships and sex can be found in the media. A few years back the American Psychological Association released research about media and the results were astounding.

The incident-to-scene ratio for sexualization was almost equal, totaling 1.18 incidents per scene for underage girls versus 1.29 incidents per scene for adult females.

Based upon a definition established by the APA of “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” sexuality, the study findings show that 93% of the sexualizing incidents among underage female characters occurred within a context that qualified to be categorized as ”unhealthy.”

Media tells us that sex validates us…even unhealthy sexual activity.

What happens when girls believe that their worth is defined by the opposite sex?

We see girls who seek out attention from the opposite sex, we see them develop poor ideas about relationships and sexually aggressive behavior becomes normalized.

Unfortunately, we (youth ministries) have reinforced some of these ideas without really intending to do it.

Here are two ways that we need to rethink our conversation with students:

1. The Modesty Conversation


Don’t throw stones at me but we have made WAY too big of a deal of modesty. It seems every week a blog goes viral on the topic of modesty.

Is modesty important? Yes, but I fear that it has become our primary spiritual indicator for girls. And by doing so, we’ve reinforced the negative message that implies that a girl’s value, both spiritually and physically, is the way her body causes others to respond to her. Which hurts her and those around her.

Plus, the statement “Modest is Hottest” is silly. Why is the end goal for girls still to be the hottest? It really does come back to their body.

2. The True Love Waits Conversation


I believe that the church has come a long way in the conversation around virginity but I think we still have a way to go.

We have convinced teenage girls that the best gift they have to offer is their physical purity. We have turned sex into God’s greatest gift given to us. (Don’t get me wrong…it is a great gift but not the greatest.) All this does is confirm again for girls that their physical body and the way the opposite sex responds to them is where their worth can be found. This makes finding someone to give this gift to the highest goal for a girls’ life. How incredibly short have we sold the faith journey to them?


So, what conversation should we be having?

Every day, every week, every month…We should be reminding our girls that their worth comes from God. He has called them daughters, worthy of his love, grace and He has created them for good things. When a girl believes that truth is it one of my favorite moments in ministry! “To deny our worth is to make God a liar.” – Barrs