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The Grief Question

 

 

126960027I had my four bullet point post all ready to go. It was a pretty decent “how to article,” and they are helpful. Then the Lord pricked at my heart, like He sometimes does, and I felt compelled instead to ask you a question:

Are you grieving?

NOW WAIT!

Don’t just give me an off handed, “No,” because you don’t know anyone recently who hasn’t passed away. That is grief as well, yet it’s not the one I am asking us to consider today.

Are you grieving:

  • The loss of a relationship or marriage
  • Leaving a ministry you thought would be “living the dream.”
  • For a student who is walking away from the Lord
  • Being fired or laid off
  • That the “plans” you had for your life just seem to not be working out

Grief is not merely reserved for a loved one who leaves this earth. All sorts of things “die.” Instead of dealing with it, we think we should just declare, “Jesus has this,” quote a scripture and move on. We don’t really know what to do. Yet, we are holding a proverbial grudge and the knot in our stomach proves we don’t truly rest on the words we are saying.

I think too often we don’t even recognize that it’s grief, so we don’t know what to do or how to feel. I didn’t until a friend pointed it out.

My family is in the midst of a difficult transition of ministries and states. The decision to leave our current location was not an easy one, and was wrought with much sweat, tears and prayer. We thought we were called here “forever.” Yet, this place for the “long haul” wasn’t in the Lord’s plan and I have not been handling the whole thing very well at all. Recently, a friend of mine who works in hospice pointed out I was working through the cycle of “grief.” I thought I was just a train wreck of emotion. He actually suggested I sign up for the “Griefshare,” daily email. “Just try it, even though it sounds crazy and it might not all apply, but it just might help,” he suggested.

The first day I opened the email and thought, “I guess so.” Then as each day has passed, I have been surprised by how “on target” it is with what I am feeling. And you know what:

Honestly, I feel stupid for grieving.

I admit it. This is just a situation that isn’t working out as well as I hoped. I compare myself to all the “real” things out there that are taking people down, and I feel ridiculous that I can’t get my emotions in check. Again, I know Jesus is here with me. I know His plans are better in the end. I know the right answers, scriptures and prayers and they are helpful. I know I will even learn something through this. Yet, still I grieve and I can’t rush it. I have been angry, depressed, in denial, yep I am running the cycle.

I wonder how often we are grieving and don’t let ourselves “go there?” (It’s called denial, ironically a stage of grief.)

I wonder if we too often compare ourselves to what we “ought” to be feeling and don’t just let ourselves lean into Jesus and go through the struggle?

I wonder how often we think,

Well, my “issue” isn’t “as bad” as this, this or this. Therefore, we get stuck, isolated and stuffing down emotions that are tearing us apart. (Depression.)

Do we tell God if He will change this circumstance we will follow? (Bargaining.)

Do we say it’s alright while secretly we blame God? (Anger.)

I believe it breaks God’s heart that sin remains in the world and that it hurts us so deeply. He is weeping with us.

I think healing begins with an honest assessment of our heart. In the arms of Christ is where we find the peace that passes understanding. He holds us while we weep.

So I ask you again:

Are you grieving? (Acceptance.)

If so, me too. I guess I just wanted you to know that if you are in this process, it’s ok not to be strong or have it “all together.” Maybe you just need to hear today that it’s ok. Sometimes it’s just that we need to know the cycle is normal. Maybe we need to take ownership of our grief and discover if we need to forgive or repent. Find people to pray with you. Know if you allow Jesus in to this place, you will get to the other side.

 

By | 2016-10-13T13:54:30+00:00 September 7th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments

About the Author:

Leneita Fix is the Mission’s Coordinator for Urban Youth Impact and the co- creator and director of the “Own It” Initiative at Berean Christian School in West Palm Beach, Florida. One of her greatest joys is serving in ministry as a family with her husband, John, and four amazing children. Since all of her children are in their teen and young adult years she mocks often that she actually “lives with a youth group.” This has given her a passion to walk alongside other parents of teens, those who work with teens & teens themselves empowering everyday families to navigate the beautiful chaos of the everyday. Her career has been spent in camps, urban, suburban and rural family based ministry primarily in New Jersey, Virginia, and Florida. Her responsibilities have included Bible based program and ministry direction for children ages 5-18, curriculum writing, leadership training, recruiting, discipleship, resource creation and speaking to national audiences. She has authored several books for those who work with teens in a variety of landscapes her most recent being a book that helps parents of tweens and teens connect with their kids called, "The Beautiful Chaos of Parenting Teens: Navigating the Hardest Years You Will Ever Love”.

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