How good are you at slowing down?

I’ll let you know right now…. I suck at it.

I know that I have always had a high work drive and I love getting stuff done and doing it well and efficiently, but something about when COVID hit and since we have been back meeting I feel like it’s been on overdrive. The times we were online for 32 weeks in a row is the hardest I have worked in my 14 years as a youth worker. I feel like I have not stopped either.

Truth is coming home after one of the best and hardest summer camps I have ever put on, I was beat. Then I decided to take 10 days off. When I say “took off” I mean fully off.

• I deleted my work apps off my phone and ipad.
• No email or Slack.
• No social media (deleted those too)
• My phone was off unless my wife and I were not in the same place.
• And we were in the mountains with family and friends.
• I won’t lie. It felt weird. It took a full 3 days to not pull out my phone to check email or social media. While I was up there I also read (just finished it for a second time today) John Mark Comer’s book Ruthless Elimination Of Hurry. Let me tell you, it was a kick in the face and a challenge for how I want to move forward with rest and non-hurry. I won’t tell you about the book but I was challenged in the idea that Jesus was always effective but never in a hurry… and that’s partly why he was so effective. I recommend it.

All summer long I took a break from writing on here because 1) I was tired and 2) I feel like I had nothing to say and 3) wondering if people even care (real thoughts). But to kick off this new season of writing (it helps me process better and if you get something out of it…cool) I feel like I wanted to put some thoughts out there about slowing down and resting.

These are questions I have been wresting with and asking myself to make sure I stay in the ministry for the long haul.

My hope that it challenges you too. Maybe even share this with a friend who might need to hear this too:

• How good am I at slowing down?
• Am I going to be using all my vacation days this year?
• Would my spouse define my marriage as successful as my ministry?
• What things would my kids say they need more of from me?
• Am I being a great youth pastor but failing at being a follower of Jesus?
• What is “success” for me being in ministry and in a marriage?
• What do I need to do to become the me I want to be?
• Is the speed in which I am working reflecting Jesus in those on my teams and how I interact with them?
• Why am I restless? What is the thing behind the thing that won’t allow me to rest?
• Am I really a workaholic? (Yes. I am)
• What relationships have I hurt because of my hurriedness?
• Hurriedness kills wisdom. Where can I be more wise?
• Am I burnt out or just tired?
• If I want to experience the life of Jesus what do I need to adjust in my life to adopt the life style of Jesus?
• Is what I read about Jesus just what I am reading or is a way of life for me?
• How can I dominate my schedule to help me not be hurried all of the time? What can I kill? Combine? Adjust? Reschedule?
• What noise do I have in my life that is making me deaf to the voice of God?
• What am I doing to intestinally slow my every day style to not miss simple moments where God is in it?
• Why do I need every notification on my phone on? Do I really need it? Are my texts and emails that important?
• There is a big difference in being alone and being in solitude. What I am doing in solitude that reflects God?
• Does my schedule align with my values? Because I show what I value by what I spend my time doing.

Like I mentioned. Just a little list. I won’t lie to you I have not wrestled with all of these questions… yet. But they are questions we have to work through in order to keep on leading our families (if you have one) and leading our ministry. You have to admit, there is something unique about how Jesus went about ministry and it was at his own pace, not a pace set by other’s schedules.

Here is what I do knows so far. Since being back from that 10 day trip, work apps have not made it back on my phone. It’s awesome. My social media is set to a certain amount of time a day and closes when reached. It’s awesome. When I am home my phone is on “do not disturb” and in the other room (most of the time, I am still trying to nail this) and it’s hard. But I know it’s good for my wife and kids. I started journaling, which is pain staking slow but it’s so good for my soul. I am not perfect in this. As you can see by the list of questions, I have a lot to wrestle with.

My hope is that these questions can help/challenge you in this new school year to get spiritually healthy.

@justinknowles3 

Think about your Wednesday night or weekend service for a second. Think about all the prep. Think about all the emails. Think about all of the set up. Think about all the running around you tend to do on those nights because you want to make sure everything runs smoothly and transitions well. I bet if you checked your steps on your watch you could be a professional power walker in the olympics.

One conversation I felt like I was having a ton at our summer camp a few weeks ago is one I feel like we should be working toward having all of the time. Our youth and kids lead staff did not lead cabins. They didn’t run games. They didn’t have a check list to do while at camp. They were just there.

Not without purpose, let me assure you. They just didn’t have any list of doing. Their whole job was “to be.”

To be available.

For some, that is really hard. For many of us (cough cough… me), we don’t feel like we are being useful unless we are “doing.” Give me task. I’ll complete it. Give me a list. I’ll check that bad boy off. Tell me “to be” or to be available then I freeze.

One of the best things we can do as youth workers is to get set up to a point when on a Wednesday night or weekend we can just be available. To get to a point when we have done our jobs so well that we have built teams around us and entrusted awesome volunteers to help run the night so that you as the leader can just “be” so if anything that arises, you can be available to lead and pastor the situation. How can you put out a fire if you are running around trying to set up something or organizing the food or inputting the stuff on the computer for the game pre-service? Does it mean you are doing “nothing”? Maybe some will assume that, but in reality you have become the most effective because you put in time, energy, and effort into building up great leaders to do ministry with.

I know for some of my crew, it was not until the midway point of summer camp where they realized how powerful it was to just be available because that is how we set them up. They were able to jump in and care for students by having conversations. They were able to check in with and tag out leaders to give them a break if they needed. It allowed them to connect on a relational level that they normally would not get to on a Wednesday night because they would typically be trying to get program up and running. This allowed them to connect way more often and way more intentionally. It was powerful.

To-do lists are not all bad, but they are bad when we feel like we are the only ones who can do them and when they take us away from being able to lead and pastor effectively. What better way to allow others to use their gifts than by giving them parts of the night so you can be most effective and lead by being available.

Is that easy to do? Not always. We either tend to keep everything ourselves and run ragged, get tired, and burnt out. Is it always worth it? Yes, because we allow our leaders to own parts of the night, and on the nights on which the ministry needs you to be most available, you can be because you worked to set it up that way.

So let me ask you, how well are you at “being” during your service day?

@justinknowles3 

My dad passed away on April 15, 2004, just a few weeks before I graduated from high school. He was a good man who worked hard all his life. I didn’t live with him day-to-day because my parents divorced when I was two, and I only saw glimpses of him through the years.  

Father’s Day for me is awkward, sad and joyful all at the same time. It’s awkward because I’m not quite sure how to respond to the Father’s Day gifts and praises I receive from my kids because I didn’t have a role-model of fatherhood while I was growing up. It’s sad because I think about my father and what I missed growing up and what I miss now. I feel joy because what I lacked in an earthy father, my Heavenly Father has lavished me with love, grace and blessings.  

Youth pastor, Father’s Day looks different for each one of our students and here are three thoughts to keep in mind.  

1. Don’t be afraid to celebrate great dads.  

For some students who have great dads, they may tend to try and find faults in their fathers in order to connect with their peers whose fathers are absent or uninvolved. Students tend to lean towards common suffering, and we can unknowingly feed into this by focusing on the negative with students instead of celebrating the positive. Give a space for students to celebrate the fact that they generally have a good dad at home. Most students in your ministry probably fall into this boat, and we must encourage sons and daughters to be grateful by honoring their dads. As I grew up, when I would hear others talk about great dads, it didn’t discourage me. Rather, it gave me a picture of what I wanted to become.  

Something you might say: “I want you guys to know that there is no such thing as a perfect dad. However, many of you have dads that sacrifice when you don’t see it. They bend over backwards to provide and care for your family. They love you; they are for you and it’s ok to be proud of your dad. One of the greatest gifts you can give your dad is to simply tell him, “I’m proud and thankful that you’re my dad.””

2. Don’t ignore students who are hurting.  

You may have a student in your ministry crying out in anger and frustration because of the father they have. I used to cringe when someone would start a prayer with “Father,” because I couldn’t wrap my head around God being a good father. Father’s Day may bring up hurts and pains in a student who longs for the type of father they see around them. I used to ask, “Why do they have such a great dad, and I don’t?” You have students who are hurting, and you must balance acknowledging it without feeding into their sorrow. 

Something you might say: “I want to acknowledge that some of you may not have a father who is a good example at home. Father’s Day may not be a great day for you. I just want you to know that I see you and I am here for you. I don’t have all the words or know how to fix what’s going on, but I promise that if you need someone to talk to, I am here. We just want you to know that this is a safe place, and you don’t have to act like everything is fine, when it’s not.”  

3. Don’t miss the opportunity to point students to their heavenly Father.  

Galatians 4:3-7  

In the same way we also, when we were children, were in slavery under the elements of the world. ⁴When the time came to completion, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, ⁵to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. ⁶And because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!” ⁷So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then God has made you an heir. 

Regardless of whether your students have fantastic fathers or absent ones, we must point them to our heavenly Father. In the passage above, we are reminded that we have received adoption from the Father and we are no longer slaves or orphans, but sons and daughters.

Orphans are self-reliant, untrusting, crave attention, and long to be accepted and belong. We are not orphans, we have a Father in heaven that is trustworthy, loving, and accepts his children just the way they are.  

Something you might say: “Regardless whether you have the best dad on Earth or the worst, we all have a Father in heaven that is perfect, loving, and will never fail us. You never have to wonder if you are loved or worthy of love because God is love and sent His Son because He loves us. Because we are sons and daughters of God, we must learn to live as sons and daughters of God.”  

Each student has a different story, and their emotions and feelings are real when it comes to Father’s Day. Shepherd well and allow your heavenly Father to lead you, too. Remember, you don’t have to have all the right words to say, your presence is powerful.

Written by Bobby Cooley: 

Bobby Cooley is a Discipleship Pastor in Katy, TX. He loves pouring into the next generation and their parents to build lifelong followers of Jesus.

He loves his wife and three blue-eyed kids, great BBQ, and the outdoors.

“I love being a part of DYM and helping youth workers win!” – BC