6 Mar 2023

Spring is tough, but so are you!

By Ronald|2023-03-06T13:40:14-08:00March 6th, 2023|Leadership|13 Comments

As a youth pastor, I’ve learned that every season has its own challenges, but there’s something about spring that can be especially tough. For starters, spring tends to be a very busy time of year for students, with end-of-year exams, sports, and other extracurricular activities all competing for their attention. And on top of that, the weather is finally starting to warm up, which means many students are itching to spend more time outside and less time cooped up indoors.

All of these factors can make it difficult to maintain consistent attendance at youth group meetings, which can be discouraging for both the youth pastor and the students who do show up. However, I’ve also learned that with God’s grace, it’s possible to minister well even in a hard season like spring. Here are a few things that have helped me stay focused and effective during this time of year:

Prioritize relationships: When students are busy and distracted, it’s more important than ever to prioritize building relationships with them. Take the time to check in on how they’re doing, ask about their lives outside of youth group, and show a genuine interest in who they are as individuals. When they feel seen and valued, they’re more likely to stay connected to the group and to the church as a whole.

Keep things fresh: Spring can be a great time to mix things up in youth group and try new activities or events. Consider planning an outdoor scavenger hunt or a service project that allows students to get outside and enjoy the warmer weather while still connecting with each other and serving the community. You could also try incorporating more interactive elements into your lessons or discussions to keep students engaged and interested.

Be flexible: It’s important to remember that not every student will be able to make it to every meeting, and that’s okay. Rather than getting discouraged by low attendance, try to be flexible and adaptable in your programming. Consider offering different meeting times or formats that might be more convenient for students with busy schedules, and don’t be afraid to adjust your plans if something isn’t working.

Lean on prayer: Ultimately, our ability to minister well in any season comes from God’s grace and strength, not our own abilities. Make sure to spend time in prayer both individually and as a group, asking for wisdom, guidance, and perseverance. Trust that God is at work in the lives of your students even when you can’t see it, and rely on his power to sustain you through the challenges of ministry.

While spring can be a challenging season for youth ministry, it’s also a season of growth and renewal. By leaning on God’s grace and wisdom, and by staying focused on building relationships and serving our students, we can minister well even in the midst of busy schedules and distractions. May we always remember that our ministry is ultimately about pointing students towards Jesus, and may we trust in his power to bring about lasting transformation in their lives.

Ronald

30 Jan 2023

How to Be a Good Youth Pastor to a Pastor’s Kid

By Ronald|2023-01-31T11:58:44-08:00January 30th, 2023|Leadership, Youth Ministry Hacks|11 Comments

When I was a kid growing up in church, my dad was the worship leader, and one of my best friends, Josh, was the senior pastor’s kid. When we were in about 2^nd or 3^rd grade, a guest speaker came through our church and told a story I don’t remember about pastors’ kids. What I do remember is that he said with a smile, “The preacher’s kid is always the worst kid in town, right?” Josh and I turned to each other with raised eyebrows. We didn’t realize this was an expectation we were supposed to meet. We reorganized our priorities immediately. Mayhem ensued.

When I became a youth pastor, both my senior pastor’s daughters were in our youth group. They were lovely, brilliant, funny, wonderful people. Really, they were. But one of the things I look back on in 20 years of youth ministry with some uneasiness is the way I handled having the two of them in youth group.

They didn’t have it easy. We live in a small Missouri Ozarks town where everyone knew they were the pastor’s daughters. While our local church was fairly open and accepting of all kinds of people, our denomination was working its way painfully through emerging from a history of “Conservative Holiness Movement” legalism. My boss was known to some as the leader of “that church where they compromise to get bigger numbers,” or even less charitable criticism. His family’s speech, wardrobe choices, hair length, and sleeve length were commented on unflatteringly at times. Their every move was analyzed and criticized. Sometimes I even piled on with the criticism, not realizing how injurious it was (though my criticisms were more about their imperfect youth group attendance or their not volunteering for something).

I’ve thought several times that I’d do some things differently with them if I were granted a mulligan. But then when I think about it again, I decide I’d do it yet another way entirely. Then I decide all those ideas are terrible. So I got some help thinking it through.

I got input from a few friends of mine: PKs (pastors’ kids) who are now youth pastors or otherwise serve in church.

I’m going to have conversations with some other pastors’ kids on this, because I want to learn more from their stories. There’s an urgency here. Our new associate pastor has some kids in youth group this year. One of the above-mentioned senior pastor’s daughters now has her own son in our youth group. Next fall for the first time I’ll have one of my own in youth group: our daughter Laura. I really don’t want to mess this up. So I’ll keep learning.

In the meantime, I’d like to share what I’ve learned. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

From JayLee

I met JayLee at a DYM conference in the fall of 2022. We started talking about this topic while waiting in a food line, and I asked her if she could jot down a few thoughts. She went above and beyond, and gave me a wealth of insight. (You can catch JayLee’s popular TikTok Series “Things People Get Wrong About Christianity” at @jayjaysapphire)

DOs:

PKs have abandonment issues. Be a consistent person in their life.
PKs are lonely. Many of them think their friends are only their friends because of who their parents are. Help them make connections.
Give them a space to vent or pour out. PKs are flooded with the drama, gossip, and secrets of others.
Be careful and kind with reprimanding.
Some PKs need a voice. Help them feel safe to express themselves and speak freely.
Help them find their own relationship with God.
Maybe give them something that they can use if they’re stuck spending tons of time at church. (My youth pastor gave me an adult coloring book).
MAKE INSIDE JOKES!! This connects the two of you, and also gives them something to look forward to.

DON’Ts:

Treat them too differently. Some like special treatment. Many don’t.
Only talk about life within the church.
Bring up their pastor parent too often.
Assume they have the exact same beliefs and worldview as their parents. (My parents and I are very different.)
Be surprised when they make a (possibly cutting) joke at your expense.
Take their jokes too seriously. (Some pastors can take a joke from literally everyone except their own kid.)

JayLee also mentioned that most PKs have some form of religious or family trauma. They are forced to be a part of a family and represent both the family and the church. They feel constantly watched and judged. Many PKs abandon the faith altogether. PKs need to feel safe, secure, heard, understood, and treated like their faith is their own (not just their parents’ faith).

From Seth

Seth is the son of Travis Sayler, one of my best friends in ministry. His dad was the pastor of their small church, and also the youth leader. Poor Seth and his brothers couldn’t escape their dad! They seem to have turned out okay in spite of it. Here’s what he had to say:

I think it’s important to help them establish their faith independently from their parents. They need to learn and read and discover for themselves just like everyone else.
It is important that they have a trusted confidant that they can confess to. Since my dad fulfilled the role of both pastor and youth pastor, as well as other leadership roles such as coach, I can attest to how difficult it can be to confess your shortcomings to such an important person in your life. It is important that pastors’ kids develop that kind of accountability relationship with other people.
Just make it known that you are available, but don’t be pushy.

From Deborah

Deborah Spooner is the student ministry director at Mariners Church in Huntington Beach, CA (another campus of the student ministry team that includes Doug Fields and Josh Griffin). She contributed these thoughts:

Don’t push PKs into leadership. If they’re interested, encourage and equip. But let them take the initiative.
Don’t share too much insider info. Let them just be youth group students who don’t feel pressured to protect the brand.

Deborah’s last thought here is so important. I’ve had terrible judgment in this area at times. Sometimes pastors are as guilty of the sin of gossip as anyone, especially when we’re around people we consider to be “on the inside.” Don’t sin against pastors’ kids by making them listen to your gossip. Also, don’t burden them unnecessarily with heavy issues – this can contribute to their becoming disillusioned and jaded with church life. They’ll see enough on their own.

From Ella

Ella Oliver is the daughter of my good friend Kevin Oliver, a DYM author and longtime youth pastor. Ella is now serving in youth ministry as well. I’m planning to creepily follow Kevin around and steal all his parent-pastoring secrets, because Ella is awesome. Ella agreed with several of the above tips, and added these:

Don’t expect them to serve, stay late, or offer a hand constantly! Every person should serve – we are called to be servants – but help them find their place. Don’t expect that because they’re at the church they are there to work. (Comment from another PK: they might just be stuck at the church because they can’t get their parents to take them home.)
Don’t make them feel bad for not being there for a week (but if missing church becomes consistent, check in and ask about their personal life (school, sports, friends, etc.))

From Rachel

Rachel Painter is one of my best friends in the world. We’ve worked together on a ton of ministry projects and played a lot of music together in a lot of places. Our kids call her “Auntie Rachel.” She’s a counselor who specializes in working with traumatized children and teens. I’ll share her thoughts here last.

I’ll start off by saying that I think that I’ve been fortunate not to have had some of the more harrowing (in the category of “religious trauma”) experiences that perhaps other PKs have had. I feel remarkably fortunate to have been raised in the family I was, with the parents I had. I was never made to feel that church/my dad’s work was more important than I was (or our family was).

In talking to other PKs/MKs (ed. note: MK=missionary’s kid), I know this wasn’t always their experience. I remember hearing a quote(s) from Billy Graham once, where he was giving advice to some young pastors/evangelists, and one thing he told them (essentially) was, “Don’t neglect your first ministry: your family.” I can’t tell you how beautiful and important this is. I’m fortunate to have been raised in a home where this was lived out.

Further, I didn’t have the experience that [the two senior pastor’s daughters mentioned at the beginning of this article] had of being raised in a more legalistic/works-based denomination and church. I see the effects of that mindset, pressure, and the need to perform or be “perfect” on many pastors’ kids.

I personally don’t recall that anything any of my youth leaders/pastors did was inappropriate or made me feel “other than.” But I would just say that IN GENERAL, people both in and out of the church do tend to treat you differently as a PK (or MK). You are placed on a pedestal and generally feel more watched – expectations are higher. You’re given the “goodie two-shoes” label, other kids treat you differently, and the loneliness is very real. So in general, I agree with your friends’ advice: treat them like any other kid who is inevitably going to have struggles (with faith or otherwise) and who also needs a safe place to just “be.” Let them develop their own authentic faith.

I will say that the loneliest part of being a PK was when we were going through church conflict, and I watched the character or competence of my dad challenged, and watched the deep pain of the way he was treated by persons in the church. My dad isn’t a fighter, so when accusations or mistreatment would come, he would take it and bow out, rather than cause further church splits and discord. The alienation you feel when you are suddenly separated from your worshiping body, and one of your primary forms of support – THIS was the hardest part of a being a PK for me. That didn’t have anything to do with how a youth pastor treated me/us. This was just a part of being in fellowship with sinful and flawed human beings (and the pain in general of ministry).

Rachel’s last phrase: “…the pain in general of ministry…” – too many pastors’ kids know exactly what that feels like. When they’re experiencing pain and stress due to the church, be a safe person for them. Keep their confidences, and don’t use them as leverage in any way whatsoever. Also, be very hesitant to “tell on them” to their minister parent. Do your best to patiently and lovingly deal with any issues yourself. They’re dealing with enough.

Let’s wrap up with some good news: if you mess it up, it doesn’t have to be final. Both the pastor’s daughters mentioned at the beginning of this article remain dear friends of ours today. Their kids and our kids are good buddies. Thank God there is grace for imperfect youth pastors!

So what would you add? Do you have comments on the above? Disagree with anything here? Let’s learn together how to serve PKs, and by extension how to serve our coworkers in ministry, and by further extension how to better serve the Body of Christ.

Jim Purtle is married to an incandescently radiant math teacher named Cindy. They have four small children. Those children occasionally make Jim and Cindy very proud, and sometimes make them pray fervently for the children’s future sanctification. Jim has been in full-time youth ministry at the same church in rural Missouri since 2002, and feels like he might be starting to figure out how to do it. He’s made a ton of mistakes, and is willing to tell anyone who will listen how not to do youth ministry! He’s really glad he doesn’t have Jesus’ job – but he’s also really glad Jesus called him to be part of His Kingdom.

4 Jan 2023

5 Youth Ministry New Years Resolutions

By Ronald|2023-01-04T10:02:07-08:00January 4th, 2023|Leadership, Youth Pastor Life|5 Comments

As we come to the end of the year, it’s time to start thinking about our resolutions for the coming year. As a youth pastor, I thought I’d share some resolutions that I think all of us in youth ministry should work toward.

1. Cut down on the pizza and soda at youth events: We all know that pizza and soda are staples of the youth ministry diet, but it’s time to start making healthier choices. Let’s try to offer healthier snacks and drinks to our youth, and maybe even incorporate some physical activity into our events!

2. Take more risks: When we’re trying to reach young people, it’s easy to fall into a rut and stick with the same old activities. Let’s challenge ourselves to try something new and take some risks. It might be scary, but it’s often the only way to reach the teenagers who really need us.

3. Get out of the building: We all know the importance of building relationships with our youth, but sometimes it’s easy to get stuck in the youth room. Let’s try to get out of the building more often and meet our teenagers in their environment. Whether it’s going to a sporting event or just hanging out at a local park, let’s make an effort to meet our students where they are.

4. Listen more: It’s easy to get caught up in our own ideas, but if we want to really make a difference in the lives of our youth, we need to be willing to listen. Let’s strive to listen more and really get to know our youth on a deeper level.

5. Have more fun: Youth ministry can often be a serious business, but let’s not forget to have some fun. Whether it’s playing a game or just goofing off, let’s make sure that our youth know that we care about them and that we want to have fun with them too.

These are just a few of the resolutions that I think we should all be striving for. With a little effort and dedication, I’m sure we can make this an even better year than the last. What would you add? Happy New Year everyone!

Ronald

12 Dec 2022

3 Tips to Encourage Parents

By Ronald|2022-12-11T20:37:07-08:00December 12th, 2022|Leadership, Parents|2 Comments

I started this by asking myself what I do to encourage parents.

It was more difficult for me to come up with answers than I cared to admit.

Because the solution sounds simple: Text them some encouraging messages at a random time during the day. Send a handwritten note telling them they are killing it at this parenting game. Any of those could be great things to do to make someone smile in their day. But what about those times when parents don’t feel like they are killing it? How can you encourage a parent whose kid just made a dumb choice and not make it sound like a platitude?

This is the same thing I tell my students when they are going through rough moments; you are looking at this moment through a microscope. And sometimes, you need some perspective to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I want to share three tools you can use to encourage parents who feel like they aren’t doing enough (which, let’s be honest, is close to all of them). Somehow these are all nautical-themed, and I am ok with it.

The first tool is a shovel. We all have those students who have EGR – Extra Grace Required – and we know those kids often need it the most. When those EGR kids are saying goodbye to you, they are saying hello to parents who are preparing to give them that grace. But they may struggle to find the motivation to give it. And let’s be honest; we may have to fight to find the inspiration to give it sometimes too.

When I think of the EGR student, I think about the gem. The Imago Dei. Sometimes the ONLY thing you can find in a student worth celebrating is the Imago Dei. Sometimes, we must excavate the gem that is the image of God in our students’ lives. We need to find those bits of the divine spark in our students and use a shovel to dig those out. Then we need to show the parents what we’ve discovered.

You use the shovel to help parents discover the treasure in their students’ hearts. The shovel says, “This is who they are…”

The second tool that we need to give our parents is a telescope. A telescope helps you see what you usually can’t see. Parents often see the worst in their kids. I know my children are usually on their best behavior when they are at church or a friend’s house, and then they get home with me and become gremlins who were fed after midnight. Kids are typically the most comfortable at home (with exceptions, obviously), and because of that, home is a safe place to not be “on their best behavior”. They can let their guard down.

Because of this, parents only sometimes see the good things their students do. For example, just a few weeks ago, there was a moment when a middle school girl shared something in our group and broke down crying. One of her friends from school (both girls in 6th grade) pulled her aside and prayed for her right there on the spot. I was so proud of the girl who prayed. And I know that the parents would have been proud too, so I told her dad. You should have seen his smile; he was beaming. And I realized how powerful the telescope was.

You use the telescope to help parents see what you see. The telescope says, “This is what they do….”

The last tool is a map. Maps show directions and tell you where you are going. And parents can sometimes lose sight that God has not finished writing their student’s life story. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama and struggles of life and even begin to think that the drama and struggles are it. That there is nothing after the drama and struggles. Students need that reminder. Arguably, parents need it more. We youth pastors know God has a great plan for our students. Parents need that reminder.

You use the map to help parents believe in God’s future for their students. The map says, “This is what they are capable of….”

Tools are great, but they are best used for the intended purposes. Therefore, you must discern the best time to use these tools. Can you identify three sets of parents who need these tools? Who needs a shovel to help unearth the gem inside their student? Who needs a telescope to see the things that may not be visible to them? And who needs a map to get a picture of what God wants to do in their students’ lives?

David Wood is a wizard.

Before I lived in Modesto, my wife, my three daughters, and I lived in Belize as missionaries. Before that, we lived in Southern California where I had an awesome opportunity to travel the U.S. performing at colleges and churches sharing the gospel through my illusions for about 3 years. I’ve experienced a whole lot in my life, and I love to share God’s story through my life as often as I can.

Parent Ministry: Conversation Starter Kit

Conversation is the glue that makes connection happen. Deep down inside we all want to know and be known by others, and talking is absolutely crucial to healthy relationships.

So, in a world where emojis and texts have replaced real words and expressions, how can we connect through conversations in our home?

In this Communication Kit, you will find a number of tools and resources to better help you engage with your family. You will find a brief purpose and summary of the resource and tips to use it.

Parent Texts

You probably didn’t go into youth ministry to focus on parents. In fact, sometimes we look at them as a hurdle to what we are trying to accomplish. Yet, there is no escaping the fact that they are an integral part of what we do and how we do it. Sometimes the best way to minister to your teens is by ministering to their parents. Allow these texts to serve as encouragement and coaching to them. Many of these are seasonal: first week of school, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mothers’ Day, etc… Like a great DYM-product… it’s done for you. This is a great deal!

29 Nov 2022

4 Things I Have Seen All Healthy Volunteer Teams Have

By Justin Knowles|2022-12-06T13:58:40-08:00November 29th, 2022|Leadership, Volunteers|7 Comments

I don’t think I have ever heard a youth pastor say, “You know what, I have plenty of leaders. Why don’t you come and try to apply again in 6 months.”

Having volunteers is the life blood of any ministry, and I would say especially youth ministry. Taking on volunteers to onboard them, to make sure they know what to do, to make sure you set them up well to lead, and to care for them while they are in your ministry is vital, but also a ton of work.

Over the last 15 years I have learned some things in regard to caring for and leading volunteers. I wanted to share my top 4 thoughts when it comes to having a healthy volunteer team and structure. Again, this is not exhaustive or the ONLY 4 things, but as I have been reflecting in this season, I kept on coming back to these 4 things to keep in mind.

1. Pursue clarity before pursuing people.

The biggest sin in volunteers is just trying to get people to fill spots instead of finding the RIGHT people for those SPECIFIC spots you have laid out. Too many times I have seen leaders just throw volunteers into the mix without thinking through exactly how that person will operate and without fully knowing what they will be doing. What happens with that is an awkward conversation in 6 months when both them and you are frustrated. This is why it is vital to make sure we pursue clarity before people. Things you should probably think through so you can add the right people are:

How clear is your vision?
What will they do on service nights specifically?
What role do they hit to make your ministry move forward?
Are they trained well to lead students?
Do they know how to win as a leader?

2. Leaders who know how to win, win.

This one seems pretty simple, but it’s surprising to me how many ministries do not have their wins set. Everyone and their mother wants to know how to win in whatever they are doing. Everyone wants to know that whatever they are involved in, they are doing a good job in those things. Same with your leaders in your ministry. Do they know how to win in your ministry as a leader?

Leaders who have clear targets tend to hit those targets better. For us, we have the “4 F’s”. It’s short. It’s clear. It’s memorable. All leaders know that this is the win for them when they serve for us.

You can get out those 4 wins HERE

3. Leaders who know each other create a great culture.

This one is from my friend and co-worker Vivi Diaz. She said this in a way I didn’t really know how to describe other than “the vibe” of your team. But when you break it down, when you know the people you serve with, like really know them, it changes the game on the involvement and commitment of volunteers. She said that we have to remember that this is not them just serving in our ministry, but they are serving THEIR church and wherever they are serving they need to be connected into community. So do we look at our volunteers as people to help us do what we need them to do? Or are we intentionally creating an environment and opportunities for our people to truly know each other? Because when people feel like they are in community they are more bought in, more committed and love being a part of it.

4. You’re goal as a leader is “to be” (delegation and purpose)

I think some of the best leaders are the ones when it comes to game time they are just “available”. The person that comes to mind for me is our children director at our biggest campus. 600+ kids on the weekend, hundreds of leaders and she seems like she is “not working” on the weekends during services and standing around in front of the kid’s check in. But the truth is, she’s working well. She has set up her team well, they know how to win, she put in the work so she can be the most effective… which is “to be available” when things go down or she can be available to connect new families and make sure they are taken care of. In order to do that she has given real big tasks to her team. She has given away a lot of her ministry, trained up people, and set people up well. Leaders who are struggling are usually the ones who are not great at delegation and giving volunteers purpose for the serving.

Again, I don’t think this is anything crazy or knew, but something I feel as we get into the thick of ministry sometimes we forget. I can look back at some of the healthiest teams I have seen and it seems to have these 4 items in their ministry and culture.

If you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode 103 of the Youth Ministry Hacks Podcast

@justinknowles3

10 Nov 2022

Student Serve Teams

By Ronald|2022-11-10T08:46:58-08:00November 10th, 2022|Leadership, student leadership, Uncategorized|6 Comments

One of my biggest challenges in youth ministry has always been getting students involved in serving in ministry. Logically I see the value, but practically I always struggle finding time to train students. I also convince myself that I can do things better than students, so having them serve will mean a diminished program. However, we all know our Ephesians 4:12 job description to “equip the [students] for the work of the ministry.” What I needed was a system—some sort of process to get students equipped and then empowered to serve.

The solution in this season of ministry has been hosting a Serve Night Training. To get to that event, I needed:

Various Serve Teams for students to be on
Multiple volunteer adult leaders to coach them
A training event

Serve Teams: For the sake of getting started, my team decided to focus our Serve Teams (you can call them ministries, volunteer teams, or whatever fits your church lingo) on our Youth Ministry main program. Sure there are roles outside of our main program, and students can get involved in the various teams with the main church but we wanted a starting ramp for getting new students to serve. We landed on 4 teams students could consider.

Praise Team
Welcome Team
Prayer Team
Crew Team (setup and teardown)

Volunteer Adults: Next each adult on my volunteer staff took ownership of one of the teams. Every team has multiple adults assigned to it, so everyone has a role. The adults chose teams they had knowledge and ability in, so I didn’t need to train them.

Serve Night Training: This was the key to the success we have seen! In the late summer, before our main program kicked off again for the school year, we hosted a night for anyone interested in joining the Serve Teams. After a short teaching on ministry from me, we split students into 4 groups. Each of my adult leaders were stationed in various parts of the church building, ready to lead a small group through their ministry. Students went on a rotation through each ministry location. At each spot, the adult would give a 10 minute explanation for their ministry, and even a demonstration. For instance, the Crew Team actually setup our 9 Square and tables and chairs, then the next rotation they took down the 9 Square and put the chairs away. Every student got to experience each of the 4 ministry areas, and at the end of the night we brought everyone back together. The challenge for every student was to sign up for a Serve Team based on what they experienced that evening. We had 100% of students sign up to be part of at least one team!

Getting students serving has been such a blessing to me as the youth pastor. It has also given my adult leaders some extra buy-in to what we are doing. But the best part is seeing students become equipped, empowered, and growing in passion for serving Jesus!

Gold Members get Ken’s resource, Turkey Trot, free with their Gold Membership this month! Are you a Gold Member? Go download his great game! Are you not a Gold Member yet? What are you waiting for? Hop on the greatest deal in the history of youth ministry!

Get the whole room moving and gobbling as they root for their favorite turkey! Simply have students guess which turkey will win the race and let the video run. You can have the winners move on to the next round or keep everyone playing and just keep score. Use the four corners of your room to select the turkey colors, or simply have students hold up their fingers for the turkey of their choice.

24 Oct 2022

Go to Where Your Students Are

By Ronald|2022-10-24T10:14:43-07:00October 24th, 2022|Leadership, Parents|2 Comments

In a world of social media, smartphones, and instantaneous photos and videos, we might feel like we are everywhere our students are! But the reality is that it still matters that we are physically present in their lives.

If you were on the fence about going and visiting students when they play sports, act in musicals, or play an instrument in a concert, let me try to encourage you with these reminders about physically being where our students are!

It shows students that they matter to you past the program!

If students only hear from you when they show up at youth group [or when they miss youth group], they might believe that that’s the only time you care about them.

Showing up at their sporting events or their play shows them that you care for them even when they are not physically present at church. Bonus points if it’s a middle school orchestra performance.

It gives you a chance to talk to parents!

The great thing about students playing a sport down on the field is it gives you, their youth pastor, an excellent opportunity to chat it up with their parents. You probably don’t get much one-on-one time with mom and dad because you are actively ministering to their kid at church!

When you go to the game, not only is it a chance for you to score some significant points with mom and dad, but you can also get to know them a little better. And when you know the parents better, you can minister to their kids better!

It helps students invite friends to youth group!

“Who was that?”

“My youth pastor!”

“Oh, cool! Where do you go to church?”

OK, so it might not go like that every time, but you showing up to a student’s concert means that you get to be present for them and their friends as well. If they’re on the fence about inviting someone to church, if you introduce yourself to their friends, they might feel more willing to ask their friend to church because they’ve already met the youth pastor!

It encourages them to live their faith outside of church!

Students need to see as many examples as possible of people living their faith outside the church walls! You attending their musical shows them that the pastor has a real life! It reminds them that what we teach on Sunday morning or Wednesday night goes beyond just that short time together.

It might even encourage them to take the lessons you have taught and apply them to their team, musical group, or acting buddies!

What are some other reasons we should go to students? I’d love to hear them below!

Need help talking to parents? Check this resource from DYM out!

Want to encourage students to be evangelistic in their circles? This resource is a great start!

12 Oct 2022

Youth Workers and Mental Health

By Ronald|2022-10-12T04:57:38-07:00October 12th, 2022|Leadership, Mental Health|3 Comments

I have learned to minister well to students and leaders struggling with mental health issues. I am patient, empathetic, a strong proponent of getting diagnosed, seeking counseling, and finding if medication is needed, and if I try really hard, I can even just listen without offering suggestions. I’ve learned a lot in my years in ministry about how to care for others, whether through learning to care for my wife Sarah, through learning how to care for students (usually by asking Sarah), or even through pursuing a degree in psychology and counseling. Because I have put in the effort, I’m fairly good at taking care of other people. However, I’m not good at taking care of myself.

A couple years ago, I was in a turbulent season. I was living in a place of unresolved conflict, though I tried my best to get it resolved. I just couldn’t make others come to the table to resolve it. I lost a lot of sleep. I would often go to bed with heart attack-like pains in my chest that would keep me awake thinking about the conflict and what would come of it. I spoke to my boss at the time, who is a good friend. He told me that wasn’t normal. He thought maybe there was something more going on inside of me, that maybe I should check into whether or not I had anxiety. “I’m just a worrier,” I countered. No big deal. No need to seek help or get treated. I guess I give advice better than I take it.

Fast forward to the end of February of this year. I had a full-blown panic attack while driving, because another driver hit me on the highway in a snowstorm and didn’t stop. I started to worry that I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, I wasn’t. But I was having another panic attack, the first in a while. Reluctantly, I finally went to the doctor to talk about this, because having one while driving and feeling the way I did freaked me out. Guess what. I have generalized anxiety, which surprised absolutely no one that knows me well. If I had taken the advice I’d been giving out, I could have been diagnosed and treated years ago. But I didn’t. I focused on taking care of others and minimized my own experiences and struggles. Why worry about it when I could just worry about everyone and absolutely everything else? Plus, I figured I didn’t have anything, because it didn’t manifest in the same way or as often as most other people I knew with anxiety.

I’m a few months into knowing that I have anxiety and getting treated for it. You know what I’ve found? My advice is actually pretty good. Seeing a doctor, seeing a counselor, taking medicine — they’re as good for me as they have been for the people I’ve ministered to over the years.

In ministry, I think it’s easy to bury your own burdens to focus on other people’s burdens. It feels selfless and altruistic. But when you don’t take care of yourself, you come to a point when you can’t take care of others the way you’d like. Of all the decisions I’ve made in the last year, going to get help and taking care of myself by letting someone else care for me might be the best one I’ve made.

Jeff is the Campus Student Pastor at The Chapel in Libertyville, IL. He and his wife Sarah have been married since they were 19, a fun fact that students find more fun than parents. Together, they have two sons.

Need some more resources on youth workers, mental health, and taking care of yourself? Check out these resources from DYM!

In order to sustain ministry for the long-haul, youth workers need regular times of rest and spiritual renewal.

Youth workers are often tired, lonely, and struggling to survive their week-to-week responsibilities. This retreat will remind youth workers of their secure hope in Christ, inviting them to move away from fear-based habits and return to hope-based habits.

This guide to a half-day retreat is designed to help you reflect on your hopes and your fears as you do youth ministry. It’s designed to help you intentionally reflect on what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. It gives you a chance to write a new prayer, offering to God your biggest fears and hopes.

What burdens are you carrying?

Don’t underestimate what a day of rest can do for you and your soul. Take Jesus up on His invitation to rest.

This resource will help guide you through a time of solitude to find renewal – but not by turning on Netflix and taking a nap. This kind of rest will lead you to find time away from ministry, teenagers, family, and co-workers to be alone with the One who called you into your position.

In a season that has felt like anything but “normal,” full of uncertainty and change, anxiety and grief, Jesus’ invitation to you is the same as it was for His disciples after a full day of ministry: come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. – Mark 6:31 (NIV)

How sweet is His invitation to be in His Presence and receive from Him! This prayer retreat has been prepared with love for you as a minister in this challenging season. You’ll be guided in how to prepare your mind, heart, and environment, what to anticipate, and how to journey into a time of thoughtful reflection, journaling, and prayer as you step away to meet with God.

26 Sep 2022

3 Things I Would Tell Myself as a Newer Youth Worker

By Ronald|2022-09-26T08:45:23-07:00September 26th, 2022|Leadership, Uncategorized|4 Comments

I just started my 15th year of student ministry. For the last 13, I have been ministering to kids who had parents older than I was. I’m just now starting to minister to students whose parents are the same age as I am. My own daughter has been in the youth group for two years.

I started really young at 22. And in the last 15 years, there are definitely some things I would have done differently if given the chance!

Here are three things I would tell myself as a newer youth worker.

1. Seek out a spiritual mentor.

I went from a Bible college where I got a degree in youth ministry, straight into seminary. I had read a lot of books and was around a lot of smart people. And because of that, I thought that I had my spiritual walk taken care of.

I wish I had sought out an older mentor in the early stage of my ministry. I might’ve been reading a lot of books, but I would have greatly benefited from having someone who had lived a lot of life and faithfully followed Jesus during it.

I have two or three people now who are further down the road than I am and are speaking into my life. I am a better person and pastor because of it. If I had started this process sooner, I know I would’ve greatly benefited.

Try to find someone older than you to be a mentor. And not just 10 years older. Maybe 20 or 30 years older. Someone who is a few life stages ahead of you and can speak to the issues you’re dealing with. Don’t try to make it forever or even a weekly thing. Ask if they’d be willing to meet once a month for three months and then see where it goes from there!

2. Don’t do ministry alone.

The first place I served as a student pastor was in a small church in a small county in Tennessee. In the entire county, there was only one other full-time Youth Pastor. We got along well, but they moved away after too short a time.

It was tough to meet with other youth pastors in the area. Many of them were either bi-vocational or volunteers and were super busy. I was the one with all the time to try to meet people. And I used that as an excuse. I wish I would have found another pastor in the area to meet with regularly and talk church and life with.

Even if it means you must put some miles on your car, don’t do ministry alone! Find other pastors who get it. Talk to other people from other churches to understand the quirks and oddities of pastoring.

The people in your church are fantastic. Definitely have a team of volunteers and leaders who can serve alongside you.

But also seek out other pastors in your area, even if they are in roles different than yours. Encourage one another. Lift one another up. Do some events together! Whatever it takes, don’t do ministry alone.

3. You’re replaceable at church

You hate to think that it’s true, but after I spent six years at my church in Tennessee, my replacement was ready to go the next week. Granted, he was an intern who had served with me for the last three years, but still.

If you suddenly cannot do the job, your church will find someone to do it. It might be weird for a season. It might even be sad for some. But you can be replaced at church.

There are some places where you can’t be replaced. Within your family, it’s a whole lot harder to hire a replacement.

Your church is going to ask a lot of you. It’s going to say that you’re doing higher work for a greater purpose. Don’t lose sight of the fact that being present with your spouse or your kids is also admirable. Say no to things if you have to.

In fact, say no to things because you have to.

Your church can find another Youth Pastor.

Your family can’t find another you.

Those are just three. To be completely honest, there are a TON more I can think of. What’s something you would tell your younger self just starting out in ministry? Have you learned some hard lessons along the way? I’d love to hear about them in the commons!

I still have a lot to learn in this next season. I will never learn it all! Grateful to be on the journey with you.

Ronald

Hey! Need some encouragement as you’re starting out in your first few years of ministry? Check out the DYM First Few Years Conference below OR grab some of these LIFE saving resources to help you along your youth ministry journey!

22 Sep 2022

Youth Ministry Doesn’t Have to Mean Chaos

By Ronald|2022-09-21T11:04:04-07:00September 22nd, 2022|Leadership, Youth Ministry Hacks, Youth Ministry Ideas|2 Comments

Maybe you’ve heard, but youth pastors have a bit of a reputation for being disorganized and for flying by the seats of our collective pants.

In short, structure is generally not our greatest strength.

Although it’s not easy, when we work to provide structure to our ministries, we are doing our students, our volunteers, and ourselves a huge favor.

// YOUR STUDENTS NEED STRUCTURE

Although it may sound cliché, our students need structure.

STRUCTURE PROVIDES SAFETY– Many students come from homes that aren’t super stable. So, when we can provide a few hours each week where students exist in a familiar environment, see familiar faces, and experience a familiar flow to the evening, we’re often giving our students a gift that they didn’t even know they needed.
STRUCTURE MAKES INVITING FRIENDS A LOT EASIER– For students, inviting someone to youth group is a huge risk, and I’ve realized that students are WAY more likely to invite their friends to something when they generally know what to expect. Adding a bit of structure to your weekly program helps students have an answer when their friends ask them, “what are we going to do while we’re there?”
STRUCTURE HELPS STUDENTS KNOW WHAT’S EXPECTED OF THEM– Are you having difficulty getting students to quiet down during the teaching time? Or maybe your students keep arriving later and later? I’d suggest setting a schedule and sticking to it. After a while, they’ll start getting used to the idea that “we start at 7pm” or “after worship, it’s time to find a seat and engage the lesson.” Remember, students can’t meet your expectations if they don’t know what they are. And structure just helps make those expectations a bit clearer.

// YOUR VOLUNTEERS NEED STRUCTURE

Recently, I was talking to a potential volunteer when they asked, “If I volunteer on Wednesday night, what time will I be able to head home?” The only problem was that I couldn’t answer the question because we hadn’t ever set a firm time that youth group officially ended. Honestly, we’d just wait until all of our students left, and then the adults would lock up and head home, usually somewhere between 10:00pm and 10:30pm (though sometimes as early as 9:15pm or as late as 11:00pm).

We have always operated under the thought that “we’d rather them hang out here than get into trouble somewhere else.” The only problem is that without a structured end on Wednesday nights, we were burning out our current volunteers and making it more difficult to recruit new ones.

Although we haven’t quite solved it yet, we have started taking steps in the right direction. Our volunteer clean-up crew now starts cleaning up at 9:15pm, and we ask any students who are still hanging around to help. Our goal is to get to a point where we can tell our volunteers (and potential volunteers) that on a “typical” Wednesday, they can expect to leave around 9:30pm. In the long run, I’m hopeful that establishing structure at the end of the night will be more honoring to our current volunteers and the volunteers we hope to recruit in the future.

// YOU NEED STRUCTURE

Structure helps you avoid the trap of feeling like every week needs to be bigger, louder, more creative, funnier, and messier than the last.

Let me explain. Every week, we use the same basic template for our services. I know a lot of people (I used to be one of them) that would argue against this because it tends to become monotonous or boring. But I’d argue that following the same structure for each service can actually help boost creativity if you let it.

If you’re creating every service from scratch every week, you’re always developing new structure and new content at the same time. If you spend some time getting the structure nailed down, then each week, you can put more energy toward being creative with the content. Yes, you still must choose to take advantage of that opportunity, but at least you have the choice.

// BONUS

Plus, there’s an added bonus for you as the leader. Providing reliable structure to your services causes each service to be less dependent on you being there to hold it all together. When everyone has a clear idea of how things should start, flow, and end, they’ll start feeling empowered to lead in your absence.

One of the best feelings was the first time I called a volunteer at the last minute and said, “I have a family emergency, and I’m not going to be able to make it tonight,” and they said, “Don’t worry. We’ve got it under control.”

Structure helped make that possible.

Josh is the Campus Student Pastor at the Chapel in Grayslake, Illinois. He’s been serving in youth ministry for over half of his life, and he is finally trying to put into practice all the things he learned when he read “Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry” in 2002. In the meantime, he’s been making games, countdowns, and social media content for DYM because that’s the kind of stuff he wishes he had back when he was first getting started.

This month, DYM Gold members got Josh’s resource, Five 60-Second Countdowns: Super-Frantic HURRY!! Edition, for free! You can check it out by clicking the picture below OR become a Gold Member and get TONS of free stuff each month!